


Kurt Hummel Has Mail

by erisgregory



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Fluff, Friendship, Future Fic, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-07
Updated: 2012-06-07
Packaged: 2017-11-07 05:22:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/427327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erisgregory/pseuds/erisgregory
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Once upon a time there were two boys. One was caring, proud, and determined. He was attending NYADA. The other was arrogant, worldly, and intelligent. He was attending Columbia University. Not too long ago the second young man tried and failed to steal the first young man's boyfriend. He did, however, manage to succeed in seriously injuring the boyfriend's eye. Even after a change of heart and a sincere apology, the two boys were natural enemies. But when they coincidentally, and anonymously, met in cyberspace, they accidentally fell in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I made the decision to cut several events from 3x14 for this au. The only things that I kept for the purposes of this story are that Sebastian apologized for his behavior and New Directions won Regionals.

“I miss you too.” Kurt sighed into the phone. “But you can’t be late to school, call me later?”

“As soon as I get out.” Blaine promised. 

They said their goodbyes and Kurt practically bounded off his bed to retrieve the laptop cord from his desk. He’d gone to bed with the laptop but fallen asleep before recharging it. Now his phone was chirping, telling him he had new emails. Kurt hated checking it on the phone because he knew he’d want to respond right away and that was just easer on the laptop. 

He grabbed the cord, moved it to the outlet next to the bed, and settled back against his pillows before turning the laptop on. Each of the startup screens flashed across while Kurt’s foot jangled impatiently. Finally he was looking at his desktop and watching for the internet signal to be lit. The moment it connected he pulled up the browser and clicked the mailbox icon in the right corner; 5 New Messages.

The first one was from Rachel. Kurt thought being on the same campus as his best friend might mean less email. He’d been wrong of course. One from Finn that appeared to be forwarded to everyone in Finn’s contact list and was most likely something he’d never ever want to see or read, he sent it to the trash. The next two were spam. Kurt always found it mildly disturbing that his spam was mostly erectile dysfunction cures and how to meet hot single guys. Finally he clicked on the one email he was looking for, from NY444.

 **From: NY444  
Subject: Winter in New York**  
There’s nothing quite like New York in the winter, is there? Maybe Paris in the springtime. I couldn’t help but notice my fellow New Yorkers starting to really bundle up this morning. They’re breaking out their thickest coats and scarves and walking around with second and third cups of coffee to keep their hands warm. I love watching the swirls of steam rising from all the cups as the crowd rushes off for the day. New York in the winter makes me giddy about simple things like leather bound books, fresh sheets of paper, and the scratch of pens in an otherwise silent room. I think of hot chocolate and cozy fires, and the afterglow of Christmas. If I knew your name and address I would send you a beautiful fountain pen and some clean white paper just so you could enjoy it with me.

Kurt sighed softly and reread the message several times as he imagined the swirls of stream rising from multiple cups of coffee and the scratching of pen on paper. He hurried to type out a response with a smile. He liked to pretend that he and NY444 had been dear friends for a long time, and that they met in some traditional way, such as sharing a cab on a rainy day or reaching for the same book in the used book store, rather than the way they actually met; online. Pretending they were close friends who knew each others names and faces meant starting each message as though they were in the middle of a conversation, which is what he did today.

Kurt sent the little message on its way before finally getting up to greet his own day. It was Wednesday, so class didn’t begin until 11:00, and he had a date for some off campus coffee and breakfast with Rachel. Both of them had been disappointed to discover NYADA’s choice brew was some stale off-brand and had promptly set about finding a nearby purveyor of finer roasts. Thus began Wednesday mornings at Joe, the Art of Coffee. They just called it Joe’s. Most mornings Kurt could be found there on his own, but Wednesday was the one day he and Rachel’s insane schedules didn’t conflict, so they met at nine before grabbing a bite on their way back to school.

Despite all the recent changes his life had undergone, Kurt’s morning routine remained the same; lengthy but completely worth the time and effort. This meant that Kurt was grateful every day for his bathroom. Not everyone was so lucky. This year there happened to be an odd number of young men accepted into the program and that left one man out, so to speak. Through sheer luck of the draw, Kurt was the one with the room to himself, equipped with its own private bathroom. The accommodations are small, but the value of privacy could never be overestimated.

Today he sang in the shower, like every other day, but the song was a lively rendition of New York, New York. This may be cliché but with no one around to hear, Kurt couldn’t care less. He and Rachel had sung every New York themed song they could think of on the drive up with the Berry’s, plus a good many that required lyric changes to fit in. Burt and Carole seemed only too happy to drive the U-Haul behind them, and even Finn offered to drive for Burt on the second leg of their journey. Kurt hadn’t cared then and he didn’t care now. He was happy, really happy, and his future was here.

In celebration of the colder weather, Kurt donned his favorite new scarf, the one with the faded turquoise stripes, and his thick black pea coat, and he felt a part of the crowd of bundled New Yorkers as he made his way across to Waverly. The icy wind tugged at his hair and pinked his cheeks, but it all just seemed a part of another beautiful day in the city of dreams. Kurt hefted his bag higher on his shoulder as he entered the warmth of the coffee shop. It was five till nine and Rachel wasn’t there yet so Kurt stood in line alone to order his grande nonfat mocha.

* * *

Sebastian killed the alarm buzzing on the night stand. Even after five months of occasional hookups and sleepovers, he still could not understand why Chace preferred the world’s most irritating noise to music. It was like having to wake up ready for a fight, and Sebastian wasn’t a morning person anyway. He peered over at Chace who was already flying around the room, throwing on clothes, and going on and on about a lecture he’d been invited to attend that afternoon. Sebastian just groaned and tried to feign sleep when Chace came to kiss him goodbye. 

“Remember, we have study group tonight so don’t be late.” He told Sebastian. 

“I am never late. Go on, go away and leave me in peace.” Sebastian grumbled but Chace just laughed as he headed out the door.

Sebastian waited for just a little bit, making certain Chace was gone and not about to come back in for something he forgot, before throwing off the blanket and rushing over to grab his phone. Sure enough, he had one new email. He thumbed the little icon and the window popped up with his inbox. Sebastian climbed back onto the bed and hurried to open the message.

 **From: songinmyheart  
Subject: Elevator Etiquette**  
Last night, as I raced to catch an elevator, a young boy held the door for me. He couldn’t have been more than seven or eight. I thanked him as the doors slid shut and he promptly asked me what floor I needed so he could push the button for me. Once we were on our way I smiled over at the young woman he was standing next to, and she grinned back at me. They exited a floor ahead of me and the boy turned to me right before he left and smiled, telling me to have a good night. Chivalry is alive and well in our fair city and no matter what anyone else says, New Yorkers can be very polite indeed.

Sebastian read over the email several times, basking in the little moment, and thinking over the many little similar moments he had enjoyed since arriving in New York. Unfortunately he had to get on with his day and that meant minimal basking and a lot more moving. He showered quickly, threw on a dark pair of jeans and a button down, threw on his coat and hat, grabbed his bag and his phone, and headed out for his morning cup of coffee.

Every day was very strictly scheduled. Sebastian had never been one for too much order, but years of private school had taught him that keeping a proper schedule meant making the most of his time, and in turn he could make the most of his time off. So every day, at 8:30, he grabbed his cappuccino at Joe’s and was back out the door within twenty minutes. Sebastian didn’t do breakfast, it got in the way of his caffeine rush, so then it was back to campus with usually ten or more minutes to spare before his first class.

Today when he walked into Principles of Economics, he smiled at his friend Greg before sliding into the seat next to him.

“Good morning.” He said cheerfully to Greg as he pulled out his laptop and settled in for their lecture. 

“Uh, good morning to you too, Mr. Smythe.” Greg answered sarcastically.

“What? It is a good morning. This is New York, after all.” Sebastian stated in a matter of fact tone.

“Since when do you care about New York? And since when is any morning ever good for you?” Greg narrowed his eyes at Sebastian.

Sebastian wasn’t exactly listening. “It’s the chill in the air, and the multi colored scarves, and the fact what no matter what, chivalry isn’t dead.” He hummed lightly as he pulled up his class notes.

“You finally agreed to date Chace, didn’t you?” Greg was smiling when Sebastian whipped his head over to look at him.

“What? No! I’m not crazy.” Sebastian answered.

“I thought you guys were getting along really well.” Greg was back to looking at him funny.

“Sure. Chace is super hot and always available. What’s not to like?” Sebastian shrugged as their professor walked in.

“Whatever man, I never see you in such a good mood. He must be an amazing lay.” Class started and Greg buried his self in his own work, leaving Sebastian alone with hazy happy thoughts of elevators and proper manners. Two things he’d never considered would go hand in hand.

After class, Greg stopped him before he could leave. “Hey, you haven’t mentioned that internship thing you’ve been working so hard on, how’s that coming?

Sebastian was surprised he hadn’t thought of it all morning since he had been living and breathing it for the past month.

“I have my first interview on Monday. Then it will be a few weeks before they tell me if I made the first round of cuts.” Sebastian wasn’t as nervous as he knew he ought to be. It helped that his resume was pretty full and included a supporting role in West Side Story at the Théâtre du Châtelet in Paris. He was years ahead of most of his competitors.

“Well, good luck or break a leg or something.” Greg slapped him on the back before leaving.

“I won’t need it.” He told himself quietly.

* * *

Rachel joined Kurt ten minutes later, her caramel macchiato cradled between both hands. Kurt grinned up at her obvious attempt to warm her chilled fingers.

“Uhg.” She mumbled as she sat beside him. 

Kurt leaned over and gently bumped his shoulder into hers. “Don’t you just love winter New York?” He said lightly, completely ignoring her obviously foul mood. “The way everyone starts bundling up and carrying around extra cups of coffee; scarves and pens scratching on paper.” 

Rachel set her cup down on the little round table. “What are you even talking about?” She asked.

“You know, it’s winter. In New York. And we’re here and everything is so wonderful. I’m wearing my new scarf and everyone looks so picturesque.” 

Rachel cast her eyes around the coffee house, dubiously eyeing several of the other customers. Kurt just carried on though.

“I need one of those nice inkwell pens so I can listen to the sound of the pen on paper in a mostly silent room.” He sighed, staring off into the distance with a daffy smile.

“You are so in love, not even distance can dampen it.” Rachel observed.

“What? No, I’m just…” Kurt took a quick drink of his coffee and then sputtered a little. “I mean, yes. I’m in love, with Blaine. Blaine’s going to try and move out over the summer. We might even get a place together. Did you pick a song for your performance piece?” He tried to steer the conversation a different direction.

“I did, but we’re not talking about that. Something’s going on and as your best friend I demand to know what it is. I’m not telling you a thing until you spill it.” Rachel crossed her arms and did her best to look imposing.

Kurt was hardly intimidated by her, they were too evenly matched for that, but he knew she would just keep pressing and he didn’t want her mentioning anything to Finn or Blaine. “Alright.” He said. “But this stays between us, strictly between us, and that means you can’t use the fiancé clause to tell Finn about it either. 

“Fine, yes, tell me?” Rachel was looking more than a little excited by the idea of some sort of secret, but Kurt decided she was his best chance for getting this off his chest and maybe even getting an outside opinion on the matter. 

“Is it considered cheating if you’re only involved with someone through email?” Kurt swallowed some more coffee to hide his nerves.

“Oh my, Kurt. Did you have sex?” Rachel’s eyes were getting impossibly large.

“No, no sex, it’s just email, I’ve never met him.”

Rachel wasn’t convinced. “No, I meant cybersex.” 

“Oh! No, it isn’t like that at all.” Kurt could feel his cheeks start to burn.

“Good.” Rachel nodded, satisfied. “Don’t do it, because they never respect you after that. You’re too good to become some internet hussy.”

“Rachel. Seriously, we just exchange friendly emails; I’ve never even had cybersex with Blaine.” Kurt was finding this conversation to be more and more difficult to get through.

“Finn and I tried it.” She informed him. “We prefer Skype to sexting and cybersex though. Finn’s a very visual - ” 

“Okay! That’s good, let’s just move on before you traumatize me any further.” Kurt was shaking his head and absolutely not thinking about Finn and Rachel’s Skype sessions. “Anyway I guess it’s not that important since I’ve been thinking I should just put an end to it because its making me - ”

“Want to cheat?” Rachel supplied.

“Confused. Only a little so it shouldn’t be too difficult to end it.” Kurt was staring at his cup and trying to keep his tone light.

“Where did you even meet this guy?” Rachel was still curious.

“I forgot.” Kurt tried, but Rachel was staring him down again.

“Fine. Right after school started I had this one really hard night. I was missing my old room and my comfortable bed. I missed my dad and Carole and all my friends, and I missed Blaine. I couldn’t sleep so I wandered through a few chat rooms, sort of as a lark. Anyway I wound up on a site for out and proud New Yorkers. There was a room set aside for students and I only meant to read along really, but then we started chatting.”

“About what?” Rachel’s coffee was completely forgotten at this point.

“Music, books, plays, coffee; sometimes school supplies. Nothing serious and nothing personal. So I don’t even know his name or where he lives exactly or where he goes to school.” 

“He could be anyone, Kurt.” Rachel said seriously.

“I know.” Kurt smiled at her.

“He could be… he could be the next guy to walk in here.” They both glanced up at the door and then dissolved into laughter when the next guy that walked in was grey haired and holding hands with a woman who was most likely his wife.

* * *

**From: NY444  
Subject: asdfjklsa;df!**  
My roommate has a new girlfriend. She thinks my being gay means I won’t mind seeing her in her bra and panties. She’s very wrong. However I came in today to find a new room divider in place so I can only assume that despite his poor taste in women, my roommate at least has some class.

 **From: songinmyheart  
Subject: Naked Cowboy**  
Today I saw a real, live, and in the flesh, Naked Cowboy. He was playing his guitar in his whitie tighties right there in time square. It was so cold today! I wanted to be enjoying the view, so to speak, but all I could think about was how cold he must be and how his mom wouldn’t want him getting sick just to earn an extra buck or two. 

**From: NY444  
Subject: Secrets**  
I have a secret that no one knows except for my mom. I love museums. I spent my entire day off at the Guggenheim last week and I can’t wait to do it again. I know I ought to give some time and attention to some of the other amazing museums around the city but I keep coming back to my main three; the Guggenheim, the Met, and the Museum of Modern Art. Does this mean I’m some sort of museum snob? 

**From: songinmyheart  
Subject: hot dogs**  
My step brother, and coincidentally my best friend’s fiancé, came for a visit last weekend and all he wanted to do was eat. I’m not joking. He had to be coerced into seeing a Broadway show, and then he wanted to see The Lion King! Afterward we had to do what he wanted and that included trying a bagel, finding a pizza joint, and eating one of those lukewarm hot dogs from a street vendor’s cart. We begged him not to do it, but he just went ahead, not caring about the potential for bacteria and illness. Then he went on and on about it being part of the whole New York experience. Clearly I am doing this whole NYC thing wrong. 

**From: NY444  
Subject: used books**  
What is it about college that makes people think doodling in the margins of their course books is acceptable? I do not need to know about leprechauns granting wishes to strangers in public restrooms. 

**From: songinmyheart  
Subject: confession**  
I have read the Twilight Saga so many times I’ve lost count. I know that few critics think the story has any worth, and that the majority of its readership are aged eleven to fourteen, and are primarily female. I don’t care. I love these books. I fall into Bella’s world and struggle with her as she tries to come to grips with all this information that’s being bombarded at her. I ache for her every time she tries to protect the people she cares for. Most of all I hope and wonder as she balances the two boys she loves most in her life. They may not be the books I recognize as being my favorite, but for whatever reason I find them oddly comforting.

* * *

Kurt stood in front of his full length closet mirror checking his appearance one final time. Rachel would be here shortly and together they were riding over to the Ambassador Theater. Each spring and each fall, the Ambassador took in two college level interns, one male and one female. The interns would be responsible for a variety of tasks which were meant to expose them to different areas of the theater business. At the end of a successful run, the interns were granted a one time, one night spot, in the current show. The part would be non speaking, and mostly likely very minimal, but it was still Broadway. It would look amazing on a resume, not to mention the chance to actually apply for paying jobs at the Ambassador. 

Kurt answered the door with a nervous smile and Rachel hugged him gently, so as to keep from wrinkling his clothes. This was the first day of interviews and they were lucky enough to catch an early appointment. At the end of the two weeks, the prospective interns would be told which among them could return for a second interview. This one was meant to be preliminary, with someone sort of low on the theater’s totem pole. Here would be three interviews in total and by the beginning of March the final two would be chosen. Then they would begin their time right as the spring/summer season began.

They left campus, grabbed a cab, and held hands outside the theater, steadying their nerves. Rachel tugged Kurt around to face her and she gripped him tight by both hands. “We are doing this, and we will be fabulous. This is our dream, remember, nothing gets in our way.” She told him fiercely.

“Nothing. Break a leg Rachel Berry.” He kissed her cheek and smiled.

“Break a leg Kurt Hummel!” She let him go and together they held their shoulders straight and marched into the theater.

As expected there were a number of young applicants waiting around for their assigned interview time. Rachel sat primly in one of the chairs and proceeded to smooth the skirt of her dress, but Kurt was too nervous to join her. Instead he tried not to look at any of their competition and focused internally on his practiced answers to general questions that might come up. Kurt was lost in his reverie when suddenly Rachel was grabbing at his arm.

“Oh crap!” She swore, and Rachel very rarely swore.

“What?” Kurt asked, but all Rachel could do was jerk her chin in an effort to get him to look. He followed her gaze across the room. There, leaning against the wall and looking like he owned the place, was none other than Sebastian Smythe.

Kurt had to tear his eyes away. Sebastian hadn’t seen him yet, he hoped, and Kurt didn’t want him to catch him staring. He looked down at Rachel’s panicked face and tried to be calm. There were tons of other guys here. It wasn’t like Sebastian was his only competition. It wasn’t as if they had never been pitted against each other either and that had worked out in Kurt’s favor. He took a breath and held it in for a moment, just forcing himself to relax.

“This is fine.” He told Rachel. “It changes nothing. Those internships belong to us, and not even Sebastian Smythe can get in our way.” Rachel wasn’t looking as confident as she had before and Kurt knew exactly what she was thinking. Sebastian wasn’t competition to her at all; only to Kurt. Oh crap, indeed.


	2. Chapter 2

“I just can’t get away from him!” Kurt was whining. He knew he was whining, but Blaine was being really sweet about it. Kurt rolled over on his bed and planted his face into his pillow with a huff. He even kicked his legs a little for effect and then stopped because throwing a fit was completely undignified. Hummels did not throw fits.

“He probably didn’t even know you were there, and it doesn’t even matter. Only you matter.” Blaine said everything so gently it made Kurt roll back over out of his pillow and sigh softly at the ceiling.

“I don’t know if I can do this.” His voice was softer, and his mind was drifting over the possibility of working as hard as he could only to find that his best would never be good enough. Blaine, of course, knew exactly what to say.

“You, sir, are Kurt Hummel; the one and only. You are a star. You got into NYADA and you’re going to get that internship. You just have to believe in yourself. Don’t let anyone, not even Sebastian, distract you from your dreams.” Blaine sounded so much surer of everything than Kurt felt, but he was grateful anyway. 

“Okay.” Kurt answered, he wasn’t convinced. 

“You are a shining star bringing your light into the darkest parts of the world, brightening people’s lives with your talent and your spirit. You are a beacon among men; a shining star.” Blaine responded without hesitation. “Now you say it.” He prodded.

“I am a shining star.” Kurt said the words, but there was no feeling behind them, despite a smile that tried to tug at his mouth.

“You can do better than that, Kurt. Come on. You are a shining star!” Blaine’s voice grew loud on the other end of the call and Kurt sat up with a small smile.

“I am a shining star!” He said.

“Louder!” Blaine told him.

Kurt was grinning now. “I am a shining star!” He said as loud as he could without yelling into the phone.

“Yes you are.” Blaine said, softer.

“Thank you.” Kurt was so glad he’d made this call.

“Have a good day, Kurt.”

“You too, Blaine.”

“Bye.” Blaine said.

“Bye.” Kurt ended the call and swung his feet off the bed. Maybe it would be alright, he sincerely hoped it would be. 

For the rest of the evening Kurt went around whispering to himself, “I am a shining star.” He was still trying desperately to make the words sink in and take hold.

 **From: songinmyheart  
Subject: a small life**  
Sometimes I wonder about the life I lead. It’s a small life; important maybe, but small. The only big thing I have in this life are my dreams, and maybe that’s okay. Still sometimes, like tonight, I have to wonder if my life is small because I like it this way or if it’s small because I haven’t really been brave. The thing is, I see so much in life that reminds me of things I’ve seen in musicals, when isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? I’m not looking for an answer really; I just wanted to send this question out into the universe. Goodnight, dear universe.

* * *

The next day, Saturday, Kurt had a job to do. No matter what his father or Carole told him, he wasn’t about to rely solely on them for support. He wanted his independence a much as anything, so he began a business of his own. 

Kurt started out putting in applications at places like coffee houses and book stores, even a vintage record store. Then he moved on to the department stores and even got offered a couple of jobs. The problem wasn’t finding a job; it was always the pay or the hours. He couldn’t work enough hours with his school schedule to justify the entry level wages he would receive. That’s when it hit hm. He needed to start his own business. With a little help from Rachel, the print shop, a free webhosting site, and a dose of sheer determination, Kurt Hummel became an image consultant.

This meant he could choose his clients, keep his hours low, and still make enough to help support himself. After the first few hesitant clients, people started offering to act as references for him. They began t refer him to their friends and coworkers and word got around. Since then he’d had a slow and steady trickle each month, just enough to keep things going.

Right now he was meeting Jessica Meyer, and they were going shopping for the day. Jess needed a new spring wardrobe and Kurt was actually pretty excited. She was fascinating and had already met with Kurt twice in preparation for today. Kurt double checked that he had everything he needed and headed out to meet her at Barney’s. After that they had several choices for prime shopping grounds, but they needed to see what could be crossed off the list first.

Three hours later they were at Henri Bendel, trying to find something ultra trendy for Jess to wear at an upcoming event. They’d stopped mid hunt when Jess had to take an important call which was how Kurt found himself trailing around the women’s department alone, waiting for his client to return.

“I see your taste in fashion hasn’t changed much.”

Kurt whipped around at the familiar voice, his defenses immediately flaring up. There behind him, holding several bags and grinning like this was the most natural thing in the world, was Sebastian. Of course. At the Ambassador, Sebastian wore slacks and a button down shirt and tie. That was the nicest outfit Kurt had seen him in outside of his Dalton uniform. Now he was much more casual in jeans and a cream colored sweater, not that Kurt was noticing. Not that he cared.

“Not that it’s of any consequence, but I am not shopping for myself today.” Kurt felt his chin rise just a tiny bit. “What are you doing here anyway?” He asked before he could stop himself.

Sebastian smiled, but the smile looked almost hesitant. “I’m shopping and I saw you, thought I’d see how you were liking the bright lights of the big city.”

Kurt’s eyes cut away, looking for Jess, but she was nowhere in sight. When his gaze focused back on Sebastian, he was looking perplexed. It gave Kurt pause and reminded him that Sebastian had been civil the summer before college. They weren’t enemies anymore, or they weren’t supposed to be. Maybe Sebastian really didn’t know what Kurt was up to these days, and was honestly curious and didn’t know anything about the internship. He wouldn’t unless Blaine brought it up, but he didn’t think they talked that much anymore.

He could be polite. He could do that much. He offered a tentative smile to Sebastian. “Well, I guess you could say, I’m liking the city a lot.”

Sebastian nodded. “It’s a cool place. I was pretty relieved to get out of Ohio.” Sebastian added, conversationally.

“Me too.” Kurt told him. It was true enough; leaving Ohio was a huge relief when he didn’t think about the people he loved there. Beyond that though, Kurt didn’t really have anything to say to Sebastian. Politeness only took the conversation so far.

There was a bit of a long pause where they both seemed uncomfortable and Sebastian finally smiled at Kurt just a little sadly, Kurt thought, and said, “Well, I’ll see you around then, Kurt. I hope you have a good year.” He lifted one hand, bags and all, as if in a farewell gesture and then he turned and walked off before Kurt could even begin to form an answer to that.

Kurt didn’t know how long he stood there thinking about the strange conversation or the look on Sebastian’s face. He’d looked as if Kurt had wounded him in some way; maybe not a lot, but just enough, somehow. Kurt had no idea how really, but it made him feel off center. Jess found him standing like that, just looking off the direction Sebastian had gone and for the rest of the day he couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d behaved badly.

Almost exactly two weeks later Kurt got the email he’d been hoping for. He was through the first cut at the Ambassador and his next interview was only five days away. Rachel was the quicker dialer and he had to hold his phone away from his ear while she screamed at him. Everything really was going to be okay, he thought, they weren’t in yet, but he was certainly feeling better about the whole deal.

* * *

That weekend Blaine came up. They both teased that he was coming up to celebrate but really the trip had been planned for a couple of months. This weekend would have to tide them over until spring break or maybe even until summer depending on everything that might happen between now and March. Friday night Blaine was exhausted from traveling so far, but Saturday night Rachel and Kurt, along with a few new friends, brought Blaine along to a party hosted by Christine Mori, NYADA alum and rising star.

Christine’s loft was filled to the brim with people of all ages and all walks of life. Ambient music played around them as they made their way through the crowd hunting out the people they knew and introducing Blaine to Christine. Overhead, white paper lanterns glowed softly casting a dim light over everything and creating a much more intimate atmosphere than should be possible with so many people. Kurt thought it was simply fantastic.

Blaine was a natural conversationalist. It didn’t take long at all for him to be swept up in a heated debate about the digitalization of records as a way to preserve music versus the need to keep the authenticities of the originals. Kurt cared about things like that but he wasn’t quite as passionate as Blaine was, so he chose to slip off and get them a couple of drinks. He didn’t know where Rachel had gotten off to, or any of their other friends really, but he was happy just be with Blaine after going so long without him. It was nice. 

The bar was set up at the far left of the loft, near the balcony door, and was draped in a sort of white gauze. It was topped with what Kurt could only assume to be every liquor known to man, but he just ordered a coke for Blaine and shirley temple for himself. Next to him a familiar voice leaned in to order a beer and a type of wine Kurt didn’t know.

“Oh, hey.” Kurt said as he took the drinks from the bartender. He smiled at Sebastian, and this time he really put some effort into it. 

“Hey.” Sebastian nodded briefly at Kurt. “I wondered if I’d see you here.” Sebastian took his two drinks and they turned from the bar at the same time.

“Blaine’s here somewhere, you should come say hi.” Kurt offered, trying to be friendlier this time around.

Sebastian shrugged a little stiffly and looked distracted. “Sure, maybe.” He looked around over Kurt’s shoulder. “Look, I have to get these back, my date’s gonna be pissy they didn’t have his wine.”

“Alright, see you around.” Kurt told him, and Sebastian just slipped back off into the crowd. He was just a little confused by that whole exchange and not at all sure how he felt about it.

However his contemplation was interrupted when Rachel’s roommate, Cara, found him. “That was really big of you, Kurt.” She told him.

“What do you mean?” Kurt felt lost now, really lost.

“You were being all nice to that Sebastian guy.” She said, as if that explained everything. 

“Why wouldn’t I?” Kurt realized he was holding the glasses in his hand just a little too tightly and he eased off. He was suddenly nervous and he didn’t know why.

“He’s been going on all night about that Ambassador internship, the one that you and Rachel are going for? He said he would wipe the floor with the competition if there were any.” Cara reached out and squeezed his arm about a second before Rachel reached him.

“I promise, I was going to tell you, there hasn’t been any time and then, when I saw he was here, I couldn’t find you.” Rachel was looking up at him with her big sincere eyes, but Kurt felt like he was seeing red.

“What do you mean there hasn’t been any time, when did you find out he made the first cut?” Kurt demanded.

“I found out yesterday. I just really wanted to see the list at the theater, even though we both got our emails. I like seeing my name posted like that, and I wanted to take a picture, so I went to the Ambassador, and after taking the picture I checked for your name so I could get one for you, and his name was on the list. And I was going to tell you, I was, but then Blaine got in, and all day today you were busy, and I honestly didn’t know he’d be here Kurt, I swear!” Rachel rushed to get it all out and then she stood there looking for all the world like she really was sorry and she hoped Kurt would forgive her. He didn’t really have time for that right now though. He passed his drinks off to her and spun around, looking for Sebastian.

Surprisingly enough it only took a few minutes for Kurt to spot him at the buffet table, and Kurt strode purposefully up to him, crowding his personal space so that he’d be certain to hear everything Kurt was about to say.

“You saw the list.” Kurt accused.

“Hmm? What list are we talking about?” Sebastian didn’t even look up at Kurt, he just continued picking his way over the buffet, choosing what to put on his little plate.

“You know very well what list, the call back list, at the Ambassador!” Kurt wasn’t raising his voice actually; it was more like a very stern stage whisper.

“Oh that list. Yeah, I guess I did.” Sebastian looked up then and smirked at Kurt.

“And then you prance around here telling everyone you have no competition when you know damn well you door have you forgotten the New Directions took Regionals from the Warblers last year?” Kurt was losing his patience and fast.

“Listen, Hummel, don’t get so worked up.” Sebastian rolled his eyes.

“I am j-- “

“Jack’s cold sweat?” Sebastian interrupted. His smirk was a full out smile.

“No, huh?” Kurt shook his head. He didn’t know what Sebastian was talking about.

“I am Jack’s cold sweat.” Sebastian told him patiently.

Kurt just shook his head again. Still no clue.

“Come on!” Sebastian looked incredulous and it was making Kurt feel like he was in the twilight zone. “From Fight Club? It’s just after the detective tell the main character that his condo was purposefully blown up.”

“Are you stalking me or something? Is this going to be like when you were always conveniently at the Lima Bean, even though it was two hours away from Dalton, so you could stalk Blaine?” Kurt felt his face heating up, but he was mad now.

“Oh, yes, sure. I’m stalking you. Why would I even bother?” Sebastian raised his eyebrows at Kurt.

“Because I’m your competition, which you know, of course!” Kurt had his hands crossed over his chest, his eyes flashed with fury.

“Right, of course. I’m stalking you so I can do what exactly? Make you uncomfortable in department stores and at parties? You are so full of yourself Hummel, you really think you and your talent are at the center of the world when really the fact is you are hardly a blip on anyone’s radar, least of all mine. You’re not my competition for the Ambassador internship and you could never be even if you tried. New York is overrun with little boys like you and no one is going to pick you and your girly voice out of a crowd, ever!”

Sebastian was only about a foot away from Kurt, staring him down and daring him to make one of his patented bitchy replies. However Kurt was simply gaping up at him, unable to say a word, red cheeked and humiliated.

“What, what?” Sebastian demanded. Kurt was shaking his head again, his mouth still open.

That was when Blaine stepped in and he eased an arm around Kurt’s waist, pulling him close. “Sebastian, I hear you and your mouth having been running all over this loft. Still up to your old games I see. Tell me something, how can you look at yourself in the mirror?” Blaine said all of this very calmly, but before Sebastian could reply, a smartly dressed young man stepped up beside him, linked his arm through Sebastian’s, and spoke.

“I almost never do. This hair is all wax, zhoosh, and go.” He laughed and Sebastian looked almost pained. 

Kurt tugged at Blaine but right before they could turn and leave, Sebastian’s date surprised them all. “You’re Blaine Anderson, right?”

Blaine glanced quickly at Kurt who was just as lost before he said, “Yes.”

“I saw you on Youtube. My cousin is this huge choir nerd and well the family’s all sort of involved with music, so she sent me the link just a couple of days ago of your choir, New Directions, right?” Blaine just nodded.

“This is Kurt Hummel.” Sebastian interjected and gestured at Kurt. His date shot him an ugly look and just went on talking. 

“You guys killed that Backstreet Boys medley, shocked the hell out of everybody. You were amazing on lead, and you can really move too.” 

“Wow, thanks, you know we all worked really hard on that. I don’t even think I knew it was on the internet.” Blaine stammered just a tiny bit, Kurt was more than a little shocked by the sudden turn of events, and Sebastian was staring at Kurt with something similar to shock in his eyes too. 

“You’re coming to New York, after graduation right, to get into music? You should call me, I know several people you ought to meet.” Sebastian’s date handed over what looked like a business card which Blaine took happily.

“Seriously, thanks.” Blaine said.

“Come on, Chace.” Sebastian started to pull his date away.

“Blaine.” Kurt tugged him again.

Later that night, while climbing into bed, Blaine had the nerve to bring it up again.

“I really liked Chace Harmon.” He said.

“Who?” Kurt was busy peeling out of his clothes and hunting up his pajama bottoms.

“Chace Harmon, Sebastian’s date. He works for his dad in the industry.” Blaine pulled back the covers so Kurt could climb in, and Kurt didn’t say anything about Chace or Sebastian as he crawled under. Then he turned his back to Blaine and pretended to be very tired. Blaine at least took the hint and dropped the subject, only snuggling into Kurt’s back and wrapping an arm over his waist. Kurt didn’t manage to fall asleep for a very long time.

* * *

“Blaine Anderson was pretty great in person. Cute too.” Chace said as he clicked off the light by his bed. “I must have watched that video a dozen times the other day and I don’t even like the Backstreet Boys.”

Sebastian lay back on the pillow and tried to ignore Chase. The whole night had wound up in disaster and now he was left feeling restless.

“Someone will have to fix the way he dresses though. I don’t know why his boyfriend hasn’t handled that shit already. He at least looked like he knew a thing or two about fashion.” Chase was situating himself in the bed when Sebastian sat back up and threw his legs over the side, his feet hitting the cold floor.

“Where are you going?” Chace asked.

“I’m not tired yet. I think I’ll catch up on some reading or something.” Sebastian answered.

Sebastian situated himself at Chace’s desk with his own laptop and waited until Chace was snoring lightly behind him. Then he pulled up his email and began to type.

* * *

 **From: NY444  
Subject: no subject**  
Have you ever looked in the mirror and found you’ve become the absolute worst version of yourself? That the lock keeping all your secret despicable parts has broken wide open and all of it; your pride, your anger, your jealousy, has all come spewing out? Someone steps on your toes just a little bit and you bite their head off. Hello, it’s Mr. Horrible. I’m sure you don’t know anything about that though. 

**From: songinmyheart  
Subject: no subject**  
No I know exactly what you mean and I’m a totally jealous! I used to be pretty fast on my feet when it came to comebacks but I seem to have misplaced the ability. Now I’m left standing there with my mouth hanging open and feeling like a complete idiot because I have no clue what to say. What should I have said, for instance, to the obnoxious person who recently belittled my existence? Even now, I have no idea.

 **From: NY444  
Subject: a trade**  
Wouldn’t it be nice if we could trade? I could give you all my biting insults and you could tear into whomever you pleased. Then I could take your inability to speak and put it to good use on my end. We’d both be happy. Except, I have to warn you. When you do finally get the chance to say the hateful thing you want to say to someone in the exact moment you want to say it, regret is sure to follow. I don’t really recommend it. I couldn’t sleep at all the other night. Do you think we should meet?

* * *

With Blaine back on the road, back to Ohio, Kurt was left alone in his room with his thoughts. He wasn’t certain how long he’d sat at his desk staring at his computer, but his back was starting to ache. Once again, he was left speechless.


	3. Chapter 3

Monday morning dawned grey and frozen. Kurt was already in a foul mood by the time he arrived at Joe’s and all he wanted was a morning of peace and quiet with his favorite caffeinated beverage to warm him up. Instead, when he walked into Joe’s, he saw Sebastian standing at the counter waiting for his order and he was forced to rush into the men’s room to hide until he thought it was safe to go back out. There was no way he would risk Sebastian seeing him. 

He wound up giving it a full fifteen minutes just to be safe. Fifteen minutes in a public restroom stall, even in a nice place like Joe’s, was pure torture for Kurt. He didn’t sit or lean which meant standing at awkward angles to avoid having his bag brush any surfaces. Of course then he was late for his first class and in a school with only twenty freshmen, when you’re late, you get noticed.

* * *

Monday afternoon had Sebastian feeling restless. After the all the recent ups and downs he just wanted to spend a little time doing something he loved, so he went to the Guggenheim. Sebastian’s appreciation for art was something instilled in him by his mother. Wherever they lived, she made sure to drag him along to all the museums and lectures and even enrolled him in a class or two over the years. He had no real talent for anything like that, he’d learned years ago, but the love he inherited from her never left. Art, in its various forms, was like an escape for Sebastian. It took him out of the world and reminded him that some truths were eternal.

He’d been there only twenty five minutes or so when he recognized Kurt, only just ahead of him reading the plaque beside a display case. He was bent slightly and probably absorbed enough in his reading that Sebastian thought it safe to hurry behind him to get past. Then he was stuck with a decision. Sebastian was torn because he felt entitled to be here, this was his place to go and relax! Still he had no desire to have another ill fated run in with Kurt Hummel, so he turned tail and ran. He hated himself for it, but felt he had no choice.

* * *

Tuesday afternoon, Rachel rescheduled their practice session, leaving Kurt alone with nothing but time on his hands. His second interview was tomorrow and if he had to stay in his dorm room another second he was going to drive himself insane, despite the fact that he’d stayed out most of the day yesterday. Kurt decided on a trip to the bookstore which could accomplished getting him out while also helping him whittle away the hours when he returned. It was definitely a productive outing, he decided.

Bookleaves was hands down Kurt’s favorite bookstore. It was small and cramped and the selection was interesting at best, but the feel of it was always just right. When he needed a specific book he most likely couldn’t find it here, but when he wanted to browse, this was the perfect place. Kurt was losing himself in the beauty and fashion section, sometimes it was larger than other times depending on what had been brought in, when he realized the he recognized the voice of the person speaking to the owner. Sure enough, a peak around the corner revealed Sebastian talking animatedly about something that was lost on Kurt because all he could think was how he could not get away from this guy!

Kurt pressed himself to the stacks where he waited until the owner led Sebastian across to the other wall and then he ran straight for the door, slipping out as quietly as speed would allow. He didn’t stop jogging until he was down the street and then he leaned against the wall and hated Sebastian just a little bit more for slowly taking over all his little sanctuaries.

* * *

Tuesday night Sebastian agreed to go with Chace to the Cornelia Street Café for a live jazz performance. They settled in to the left of the stage and Chace slipped off to buy them drinks. With his second interview coming up tomorrow, he knew he didn’t need to have to stay out too late or have too much to drink, but he needed the distraction in the worst way. Sebastian leaned back in his chair and let his eyes roam over the rest of the crowd gathering. He and Chace were a little early because Chace instead on sitting at this particular table, and Sebastian put up with it for the sex mostly, and also he didn’t really care where he sat.

His eyes skimmed over the heads of the seated people over to where Chace stood near the bar and he felt his stomach drop when he realized that just four or five people down the bar, Kurt and Rachel were waiting for their drinks too. Kurt was just everywhere! He stood up quickly, shoving his chair back and nearly toppling it in his effort to get away. Once he was out on the street he sent Chace a quick text, apologizing for running out and promising to make up for it another night. Considering the night a total loss, Sebastian just headed back to his dorm, and tried not to think about his impending interview or the fact that it was almost certain Kurt would be there too.

* * *

Kurt didn’t miss Sebastian rushing out of the Café. He wished he had, though. He tried to tell himself that it had nothing to do with him, but he was fairly certain it did. Hadn’t he been ducking and running from Sebastian for the last two days himself? Kurt didn’t mention it to Rachel because he didn’t think he had the energy to tell her that he’d been trying to avoid Sebastian as actively as Sebastian was apparently avoiding him. After the concert, tucked back in his room, Kurt pulled up his last message from NY444 and read through it again, even though he had it memorized by now. He was finally ready to reply.

 **From: songinmyheart  
Subject: no subject**  
I’m sorry it took me so long to reply. I’ve been thinking a lot about what you asked me, and I’ve decided that it’s just not a good time. The thing is, there is a lot going on in the day to dayness of my life right now. It’s taking a lot of my focus and energy and it’s literally exhausting. However there is something almost magical about getting to step away from all of that and talk to you here. I can just be myself without pressures and worries. Reading what you’ve sent me, and writing you back are often the highlights of my day, and I’m not ready to give that up. I hope you can understand.

Wednesday arrived at last, and Kurt had to make himself stay focused through his classes. During lunch, Rachel interviewed him from a new set of questions she’d compiled to help him practice thinking on his feet. Then he did the same for her until they both felt pretty confident about their abilities.. After they just sat quietly, leaving most of their food untouched. Rachel’s interview wasn’t until the next day, but she was just as nervous for Kurt as he was for himself. Somehow that was a comfort in the middle of everything else that was going on. 

At three forty five, Kurt walked into the Ambassador, and held his breath while looking around for Sebastian. There was one other young man sitting in the lobby, but there was no sign of Sebastian. Kurt continued to worry about it for the next few minutes and then realized he needed to prepare himself to walk into the interview instead of getting himself worked up over something that might not even happen. 

Kurt sat on one of the benches and let his eyes wander around the room. Chicago posters drew him in and he allowed himself to visualize being on that stage with the cast. Even if he didn’t do anything more interesting than stand or sit somewhere, it would be worth it, it was worth everything. This was his dream. By the time Kurt’s name was called, he was much calmer, and ready to shine. Like a star.

Sebastian never did show at the theater that day, which must have been sheer luck considering their recent string of run-ins. Now he was facing another two weeks of waiting while the rest of the applicants finished interviewing and they sorted through once more. After this cut there would only be five contenders for each spot. It was a lot of pressure, but Kurt was determined to see it through, no matter what.

The next week Kurt took time out to restock his mini fridge and makeshift pantry. He didn’t normally keep much around, but he like to have fresh fruit, tea, and various healthy snacks on hand. Mostly he dined with his friends in NYADA’s dining room, but it had specific hours so if he missed it he was out of luck. Kurt and Rachel together systematically tried all the nearby grocers and eventually decided that Trader Joe’s was the clear winner, both for price and quality. Plus all the vegan food was clearly marked making Rachel’s trips much simpler. Kurt took his own bags with him and hummed lightly on the trip over.

The store was surprisingly busy for a weeknight, but Kurt didn’t mind so much. He browsed the teas picking up his usual lemon chamomile for his throat and an orange chai that looked intriguing. He was near the end of the juice aisle when he realized that Sebastian was just across the way, browsing though the baked goods. Kurt turned his cart around quickly and headed off the other way. Of course he nearly ran into him again in the produce section and by the time Kurt made it to the checkout he was positive that an altercation of some sort was imminent. 

Kurt tried to slump while he waited in line, and kept peering over his shoulder to see if he could spot Sebastian, but he never could. Finally the cashier was checking him out and he pulled out debt card. When he went to run it through the machine, however, the lady frowned at him and it was only then that he noticed the little note hanging from the machine. The system was down, cash only. Kurt rushed to pull out his wallet only to find that he actually had no cash.

“There was a sign on the door too.” The lady told him when he looked up. 

“I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t see it.” He told her. 

“I have to void all of these items now.” She said, sourly.

Kurt was humiliated. He’d only wanted to hurry through the line and get out the door and now everyone was staring at him. He pulled himself up as the woman switched the light on to call for a manager, and he was just about to leave when someone cut in.

“Is there a problem here?” It was Sebastian. Kurt felt his mouth trying to gape again. He kept it shut and shook his head, but the helpful cashier answered for him.

“He didn’t see all the signs about the credit card system and he has no cash.” She was glaring at Kurt again.

“Oh, that’s not a problem, I have cash.” Sebastian told Kurt.

Kurt didn’t know what his angle was but he felt pretty defensive. “I don’t need a hand out. I’ll just come back tomorrow.”

Sebastian started pulling out some cash. “Don’t worry about it Kurt, you’re here right now.” 

“Either pay for it or get off the line.” The cashier told them.

They both turned to face the cashier again and Sebastian leaned toward her. “Moira, hi. Thanks for taking care of things.” The lady, Moira, stopped glaring. Kurt glanced at Sebastian who looked completely enthralled by her.

She took his money and handed back a receipt. “Moira, that is a lovely name.” Sebastian said smoothly. Now Moira was grinning back at him. If Kurt didn’t know better he’d think Sebastian was trying to get a date.

“There, Kurt, are you okay now?” He asked Kurt, only turning from Moira for a second.

“I’m okay.” Kurt said, still shocked by the whole event.

“Thanks again, Moira, have a good evening, you too Kurt.” Sebastian turned a little smile Kurt’s way before walking off. Moira handed over Kurt’s bags, and when he thanked her she just glared at him again.

Kurt’s evening wasn’t exactly good. He practiced the song he had planned for the upcoming Valentine’s show and then he drank his orange chai tea. Hs mind wandered over all everything that was weighing him down, and then he wrote NY444.

* * *

 **From: songinmyheart  
Subject: holiday woes**  
Valentine’s Day is coming up. Everywhere the store fronts have shiny red hearts and chubby angels shooting arrows. People are making plans for fabulous nights out, but my own heart just isn’t into it this year. That sounds sort of loaded, considering the day, but that’s not it. I miss my dad, more than usual. Even when neither of us had a valentine to celebrate with; we always had each other. Sometimes he would just toss a box of chocolates on my bed in the morning, but other times he bought balloons or flowers. I think he was trying to keep the memory of my mother alive. She always made every holiday special. Anyway, it’s not just Valentine’s Day. It’s everything that’s been going on. I really need to sit down with my dad and a cup of hot chocolate and get some serious advice. 

**From: NY444  
Subject: no subject**  
I’ve noticed the change coming over the city too. Boxes of chocolates for sale, the price of roses just about doubles and everyone suddenly wants to know what your plans are. I myself have a somewhat sketchy history with the day, but I have some good memories from when I was a kid too. Valentine’s Day was one of those rare days when my parents got along. Dad would come home with bunches of red roses and candy for my mother. Sometimes they would even go out for the evening. I remember thinking how strange it was that something so simple could keep her happy for days after, even once my dad was gone again on another trip. I guess I understand it all a little bit better now. Anyway, that’s all in the past now. What about this advice, can I help at all?

 **From: songinmyheart  
Subject: no subject**  
I don’t know rea--

Kurt was in the middle of typing a response when a chat window popped up.

 **NY444:** I had the strangest feeling you’d be on right now.

 **NY444:** Tell me about this advice you need, I’d like to help if I can.

 **songinmyheart:** I don’t know if you can help.

 **NY444:** Is it about love...?

 **songinmyheart:** You might say it’s about business. And rivalry. 

**NY444:** You’ve come to the right man, I’m great with business. And rivalry! What business are you in?

 **songnmyheart:** No, no personal details, remember?

 **NY444:** Minus details is tricky except to say, “If this is your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight.”

 **songnmyheart:** What?

 **NY444:** It’s one of the rules from Fight Club. You get in there and fight, no standing around on the sidelines watching what everyone else does and talking yourself out of it. 

**songnmyheart:** What is it with people and Fight Club?

 **NY444:** Fight Club is the I Ching, the sum of all wisdom! Fight Club is the answer to every question. What day of the week is it? “It must've been Tuesday. He was wearing his cornflower-blue tie.” What do I do when I have an important question? “Cut the foreplay and just ask, man.” What is Fight Club? “The first rule is you do not talk about Fight Club.” The answer to your question is, “You have to fight.” Don’t make it personal, it’s not, it’s business. Fight. You have to stop being afraid of what will happen and get in the ring. I know you worry about being brave. Don’t. Fight. Fight to the death; or at least until the other guy taps out.

* * *

“There are rules and since it’s my first time, I have to fight. Is there any chance you could help me with this?” Kurt sat cross legged in the plush chair by his window. He hadn’t thought out a specific plan yet, but ideas were starting to form. He was going to need help, so he called Blaine.

“Of course.” Blaine answers immediately.

“Do you know about the rules, Blaine?” Kurt asks, curious.

“From Fight Club.” He replies.

* * *

The answer came from an unexpected source. While Kurt and Rachel were busy thinking of every possible outlet for a front line attack and getting nowhere, Blaine was trading phone calls with Chace Harmon. Only four days later, Kurt got a phone call from Paige Cleary, Rick Harmon’s secretary. Mr. Harmon, coincidentally Chace’s father, invited Kurt to come audition for a spot they had open for their charity event Friday night. The guy they had fell out at the last minute and they’d been scrambling to replace him with only days to go.

Kurt did a little research before his audition the next day. All Stars Project Inc. turned out to be a not for profit organization dedicated to using performing arts to reach out to disadvantaged youth. It was actually a pretty amazing organization and one that Kurt had no trouble at all wanting to help. Mr. Harmon’s production company was one of their top financiers, and each year they held a benefit dinner and concert with the proceeds going directly to the All Stars Project. 

The audition went smoothly and Kurt was set to sing during a slideshow presentation, after dinner. The song was already chosen, but Kurt felt certain he couldn’t have picked a more appropriate one anyway. Chace even called to check in with Kurt and to tell him he could say something, before his song, as he’d requested. Rachel helped him practice, but he refused to let her help him shop, for obvious reasons. When Friday arrived Kurt was only a little nervous.

Chace was really friendly, and welcomed Kurt when he first walked in. Kurt didn’t spot Sebastian just yet, but Blaine assured him Sebastian would be there. Kurt held his head high, squared his shoulders, and didn’t let his fear get to him. 

“You’re sitting over here, not exactly V.I.P., but those seats are reserved for the biggest donors.” Chase laughed lightly and led Kurt off to the right of the stage, a few tables back.

Kurt was surprised he was sitting at all, really. He thought he’s be backstage somewhere, come out, sing, and go home. Instead he was introduced to some of the other people that worked for Mr. Harmon. Everyone seemed glad to have him, and the couples on either side of him shook hands with him before the waiters started coming in with the food

The ballroom was decorated all in black and white. The round tables filled the space almost to brimming, and each table had fresh white flowers atop black and white layered linens. Kurt glanced down to his own table, taking in the little program, which sadly did not include his name, probably because the change in the lineup had happened too late n the game. The choices were fairly straight forward, chicken, steak, or vegetarian. Kurt chose the chicken.

He chatted with the others at his table during dinner. There were no deep conversations, but everyone kept him included which was nice. Afterward Mr. Harmon got up to speak, thanked everyone for coming, and then the concert began. A young woman with a headset came to escort him back at that point and he waited through three songs before it was his turn. Then he stepped out onto the stage, took the mic from the stand, and walked to the center. Behind him a screen dropped down for the slides, but the music didn’t begin yet. 

“This song is for everyone who was ever told they didn’t matter, that they were the same as everyone else around them, and no one would ever pick them out of a crowd, ever. You are special. You are unique. You matter. Follow your dreams, whatever they are, and never let anyone make you feel like you don’t matter or you can’t succeed.”

The music started up softly then and Kurt cast his eyes out over the crowd and he let his voice carry the power of his convictions.

_“I have often dreamed  
Of a far off place  
Where a hero's welcome  
Will be waiting for me  
Where the crowds will cheer  
When they see my face  
And a voice keeps saying  
This is where I'm meant to be” _

* * *

“Oh wow. He can sing.” Greg leaned in and murmured to Sebastian. Greg’s girlfriend was trying to shush him and get him to pay attention.

Sebastian on the other hand was just seething in his seat. Chace wasn’t at their table right now, but he could think of a few choice words he wanted to say when he got back. Chace hadn’t even mentioned this to Sebastian, not once. 

“That’s Kurt Hummel.” Sebastian told Greg. 

Greg just shrugged. Sebastian was sure he’d mentioned him to his friend, but probably not in a long time.

“We have some history, but things were okay until he found out we were going for the same internship. Things got tense after that.” Sebastian didn’t even know how to voice how things were now. This felt like a direct attack because Chace had to have been involved, and Kurt’s words were unmistakable. Kurt had to know Sebastian was sitting in the audience.

Greg’s girlfriend, Sara leaned over just as the audience began to applaud. “That was so inspirational! What talent, and he’s gorgeous!” Greg shot her a look but Sara just shrugged and managed to look unperturbed. 

Sebastian felt himself snapping inside. “Yes, he can sing, he has a fantastic voice, and yes he’s gorgeous! He’s a real asshole too!”

Greg’s eyes widened and Sara was confused. Sebastian pushed his seat back, he needed some air, and he needed to find Chace and figure out what the hell had been going on behind his back.

Sebastian didn’t find Chace until after the concert and when he confronted him about Kurt, Chace was unimpressed.

“You didn’t want to sing and you never bothered to tell me there was an issue with Kurt. Blaine filled me in on all sorts of interesting history but I honestly didn’t think you’d take it like this or I would have said something. Don’t be a child Sebastian.”

Sebastian spent the night alone, licking his proverbial wounds.

When the email came, letting him know he’d made the second cut, Sebastian went down to the theater to confirm his suspicions. Kurt Hummel’s name was still there. Of course.

* * *

 **From: songinmyheart  
Subject: advice**  
I need help. Do you still want to meet?

 **From: NY444  
Subject: no subject**  
When? Where?


	4. Bonus - Sebastian

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took some liberties here that I hope you will forgive.

_I'd never given much thought to how I would die — though I'd had reason enough in the last few months — but even if I had, I would not have imagined it like this._

“Just kill me now.” Sebastian murmured but he kept reading. He reached for the beer on his nightstand and took a long swig, for courage, he told himself.

Generally speaking, Sebastian wasn’t a reader. Over the years there’d been plenty of books he’d read for various classes There was the occasional recommendation from a friend, usually something in the crime or horror genre, but never anything at all like the Twilight Saga. Sebastian made fun of people who read the Twilight Saga. Hordes of squealing tweens running around in Team Edward and Team Jacob shirts were all the reason he’d needed to avoid the books and the movies for that matter. Then he’d gone and bought the damn things because of one email. These were his life choices now.

Sebastian’s Pad Tai noodles were balanced on the bed next to him and he lifted them and ate a few bites before the story started to pull him in. Then he read solidly for the next twenty minutes. Bella was starting her first day at school and Sebastian suddenly needed another drink. He was glad he’d thought of the six-pack before coming back to his dorm, otherwise he’d be facing all this teen angst stone sober and that was just not appealing at all.

He was not thinking at all about his own high school experiences, moving from town to town. He’d hated always being the new kid, the guy on the outside, so he’d worked really hard to be the guy that didn’t give a shit, the one that had lots of acquaintances but no actual friends, the one that considered a relationship successful if he got to fuck the guy before their one night was up. Bella seemed to be working the other angle; being nice. 

Sometime later Sebastian sank back into his pillows, noodles forgotten and fingers curled around the neck of his third beer, book propped on his chest. Edward was forcing Bella to say he was a vampire out loud and for a moment Sebastian had dropped the book and sat there disgusted, shaking his head and cursing his own morbid curiosity. Now the book was propped back up and he was getting sucked in again.

Random parts made him chuckle in spite of it all. He still got frustrated and he still drank his beer and murmured to himself but he kept going, pushing forward, looking for all the things songinmyheart wrote about. Bit by bit he was finding them whether he would ever admit to enjoy any part of this book or not.

_I touched his face. "Look," I said. "I love you more than everything else in the world combined. Isn't that enough?"_

_"Yes, it is enough," he answered, smiling. "Enough for forever."_

_And he leaned down to press his cold lips once more to my throat._

The end came sooner than Sebastian expected. In fact he’d expected to pass out after finishing off his sixth beer, and yet here it was, three in the morning, and he was closing the book. He got up to stretch and throw away his half eaten box of noodles and he thought of his friend, soninmyheart. He wondered if he’d read the whole thing in one sitting like that or if he’d savored the book, reading it in bits and pieces for days. Which part made him laugh? Which parts were the saddest?

When Sebastian crawled back in bed and switched off the light he lay there drifting in that space between awake and asleep and he wondered just for a moment, what it would be like to love someone like that. So much that you would do anything for them; even die if you had to. 

For years Sebastian didn’t believe love existed at all. It was something invented to keep people together, or to get someone to do something. As he got older he admitted that it must exist for some people, those rare few that met the right person at the right time and had the desire to take the chance. It hadn’t happened to Sebastian though, and he was pretty sure he never wanted it to. Even, in the event of the world ending, if Sebastian did decide one day that he was okay with the whole settling down and being a couple thing, finding the right person, someone who could keep up with him and still want him to be around would be next to impossible. That person probably didn’t exist.

Sleep tugged at Sebastian, pulling him under. His mind threw out one final semi-coherent thought. Maybe the right person was out there, already, close at hand, and Sebastian just hadn’t admitted it yet.


	5. Chapter 5

The noise in the dining room at NYADA was just loud enough at lunch that Rachel didn’t catch it when he said it the first time as they sat down. She was too busy telling one of their classmates about her plans for the spring musical and how she intended to win the lead. This was in spite of the fact that freshmen almost never make the cut their first time out. Kurt waited and listened but Rachel’s idea also involved planning her wardrobe around the main character’s style as a part of method acting. While Kurt could appreciate the fashion trends of the 1960’s, he doubted Rachel could pull off a fashion trend of any sort on her own; which meant Kurt helping her dress as Audrey from Little Shop of Horrors.

When Rachel realized that Kurt hadn’t said anything she turned her big hopeful brown eyes on him and of course he agreed to help; though his idea of helping also involved sneaking in a few choice items that had nothing to do with the musical. Little by little Rachel’s entire wardrobe was being taken over by pieces chosen by Kurt and shopping with her was always an opportunity for him to monitor the situation.

“Okay, I’m here now, were you saying something?” Rachel finally asked.

Kurt pushed his tray away and steadied his hands on the tabletop. “We’re going to meet.” He braced for all the arguments she would throw his way, arguments he’d already had with himself.

Rachel didn’t say anything at first. She just sat there, taking it all in maybe, or assessing Kurt, he couldn’t decide. “Does Blaine know?” She asked softly, her own lunch abandoned.

“No. I don’t think there’s anything to tell.” Kurt felt his throat tighten. He’d been over this a dozen times in his head.

“Alright. I won’t argue that with you right now, but I do want to know that you’re going to be smart about this. You have to remember that you don’t know this guy.” Rachel pursed her lips and waited.

“We’re going to meet at a public place and I’m not giving out information about school or where I live or anything, not yet.” Kurt was careful about the place he’d chosen. It was a coffee house he liked but didn’t often go to because it was sort of far from his usual stomping grounds.

“In that case, I want all the details!” Rachel turned and folded her hands in her lap. “Are you meeting him at a bar?”

“No, not a bar, that place we love with the cake, for coffee.” Kurt told her.

“Do you even know his name?” Rachel was smirking at him just a little bit.

“I thought you wanted me to tell you all the details.” Kurt admonished.

Jenna, their friend, cut in. “He’ll wear a rose on his lapel and you’ll have a rose tucked into a copy of Anna Karenina.”

Kurt didn’t have an answer to that.

“Oh no, really Kurt?” Rachel chastised.

“Not Anna Karenina.” He corrected.

* * *

“Don’t tell me. He’s carrying a book with a rose tucked into it.” Greg grinned over at Sebastian as they walked down the street.

Sebastian didn’t answer him.

“No, he’s not. Not seriously.” Greg shook his head.

“Seriously.” Sebastian told him.

“Not Jane Austen though, right?”

“No.” Sebastian hesitated for a couple of beats. “Twilight.”

“Oh man, he could be a real charity case for all you know.” Greg sounded worried and it was affecting Sebastian.

“I know. I’m just going to stay ten minutes. Say hello, have a cup of coffee, a slice of cake. Then I’m out. Just like that.”

Greg didn’t say anything, but they kept walking together.

“What if he’s got unfortunate hair and can’t dress himself? He could be like one of those CW guys.” Sebastian pulled on Greg’s sleeve to get him to stop on the sidewalk.

“What CW guys?” Greg wondered. 

“You know, on those ridiculous teen shows on television, the ones where they all have too much money and there are never any parents. What am I doing anyway? Why meet him now? I could be ruining a good thing.” His finger’s tightened in Greg’s sleeve and Greg had to pull him off.

“You’re just taking the next logical step. That’s what we do. Though you usually do it faster than me. I always take the next step. Then the next one, and the next one, until it becomes absolutely necessary for me to end it.” Greg told him all of this in a very calm tone.

“I’m just staying ten minutes. I said that already. Oh god, I’m a mess.”

Just outside the coffee house, Sebastian froze.

“Listen, Greg, this guy is amazing, seriously. If he’s as good looking as a microphone I would be insane not to turn my life upside down and stay with him forever.” Sebastian swayed a little on his feet because his words were shocking even to him, and they were the truth.

“He could be a real charity case.” Greg was unfazed.

“You have to go look.” Sebastian told him as panic took hold.

“What?”

“Just, Christ, Greg, go look in the window for me!” Sebastian backed away as though saying the word window meant he would see before Greg did.

“This is sad. I’m sad for you right now.” Greg shook his head, but he went to the window and looked in.

“I hope you know I do not consider myself an expert on the hotness of men.” Greg told him.

“Just tell me what you see.” Sebastian demanded.

“Oh, Okay, yeah, I see a guy, he’s dressed nicely, not too unfortunate looking. You would probably say he’s hot.”

“Yes!” Sebastian bounced a little on his feet.

“No book though.” Greg shrugged and grinned back at Sebastian.

“Dick.”

“Okay, wait, I see the book with the flower, but the waiter’s in the way. Hold on.” Greg leaned forward, a little closer to the glass and Sebastian’s hands balled up in impatience.

“Okay, he’s moving.” 

“Can you see him?” Sebastian asked, his voice going hoarse with excitement.

“Ah. Yes.” Greg kept looking but he began to back away from the glass.

“And?” He prodded.

“He’s a good looking guy.” Greg told him, all teasing gone.

“I knew it! I knew he would be!” Sebastian didn’t notice the look on his friend’s face.

“He sort of reminds me of that Kurt Hummel guy.” Greg said finally, slowly.

“Kurt Hummel from the concert, Kurt Hummel?” Now Sebastian was confused.

“Yeah, you did say he was gorgeous.” Greg reminded him.

“I did, so what? Who even cares about Kurt Hummel?” Sebastian was staring at Greg now, hard.

“Well, if you don’t like Kurt Hummel, there’s no way you’re gonna like this guy.” Greg told him.

“Why is that? He asked.

“Because it is Kurt Hummel.” Greg was serious and Sebastian just stood there, staring.

“So, what are you going to do?” His friend asked.

“Nothing.” Sebastian said.

“You’re not going in?”

“No.” Sebastian said quietly.

“You’re just going to leave him in there waiting?” Greg shook his head.

“Yeah I am, why not?” Sebastian shrugged and pulled the rose off his lapel.

“He wrote all those letters.” Greg’s forehead creased in concern, but Sebastian didn’t care right now.

“Bye, Greg. See you in class.” Sebastian tossed the flower in a nearby trashcan and walked away, leaving his friend behind.

* * *

Kurt picked up his phone and checked the time again. The little shop was getting busy now with the after theater crowd and Kurt had to tell several people that he was meeting someone and no they couldn’t have the extra chair, sorry. His fingers played over the stem of rose sticking out of his book and when the waiter came by again, Kurt just sipped at his coffee, pretending that nothing was out of the ordinary at all even though he’d been sitting with the same cup of coffee for more than half an hour. 

When one of the other patrons came too close to the table, the flower was almost knocked off and Kurt had to scramble to catch it. When he sat back up he was face to face with Sebastian.

“Kurt Hummel, fancy meeting you here, can I sit? Sebastian smiled down at him.

“No you can not, I’m meeting someone.” Kurt replied, firmly.

Sebastian didn’t seem concerned by that at all and instead of leaving he picked up the book.

“Twlight.” He said with a little grin.

“Excuse me.” Kurt reached for the book and Sebastian handed it over and watched as he placed the rose back between the pages.

“I didn’t know you were a Twilight fan. Though I’m not surprised, I have to say. I bet you love that book. You’ve probably read it so many times you’ve lost count. I bet you love escaping into what’s her name’s world. I’m sure your heart just beats wildly as she tries to balance those two boys she loves most. Tell me though; are you Team Edward or Team Jacob?”

“Please go away.” Kurt says coldly.

Instead of leaving, Sebastian sits down.

“Please?” Kurt tried again with much more feeling.

“I’ll go as soon as your friend gets here. Is he late?” Sebastian checked the time.

Kurt leaned forward across the table. “The heroine of Twilight is Isabella Swan, but she goes by Bella, and she is so much more complex than some teenager trying to pick between two boys, not that you would know.”

“Actually, I’ve read it.” Sebastian told him.

“Oh well, that’s good for you then.” Kurt said mockingly.

“There’s a lot about me you don’t know.” Sebastian replied, unconcerned.

“If I knew you any better I would find that you are selfish and manipulative and have to control everyone and everything around you until you can’t be sure if you have friends or just a bunch of people too afraid to disagree with you.” Kurt looked surprised.

“What is it?” Sebastian asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

“I just experienced a breakthrough. I haven’t been that quick on my feet with a comeback since high school, and I have you to thank.” Kurt said.

“You’ve always had a natural talent for witty comebacks. That was both expressive and mean.” Sebastian spoke softly and when the waiter came back he ordered a cappuccino even as Kurt was telling the waiter that Sebastian wasn’t staying. 

“Mean? Let me tell you something about mean --.” 

“That was a compliment, sport.” Sebastian interrupted. Then he pulled the rose out of the book and lifted it out of Kurt’s reach.

“What are you doing?” Kurt asked.

“Is this something out of a book you read? A red rose, no wait this is crimson, a crimson rose tucked into a book. Probably one of those books with the chick in the nightgown on the cover standing on a cliff about to throw herself off.” Sebastian twirled the rose between his fingers.

“Give me the rose, Sebastian.” Kurt held out his hand but Sebastian just stuck it between his teeth and shook his head.

“This is funny to you, right? Everything is always so funny to you.” Kurt swiped the flower out of Sebastian’s mouth, wiped it down with his napkin and tucked it back into the book.

“Just leave. Please, please leave.” Kurt begged.

Sebastian shrugged and stood up. Kurt sighed in relief but the relief was short lived because Sebastian sat directly behind Kurt so that they were nearly back to back. Kurt tried to ignore him and ignore that sensation of almost being touched. He focused as hard as he could on the people coming into the café. The next customer that came in was a woman dressed like she stepped right out of Sex in the City and Sebastian leaned around and spoke almost directly in Kurt’s ear.

“You know what that dress reminds me of? That day at the department store. That was the first time I’d seen you in New York.” Sebastian’s voice was soft, but Kurt was already irritated.

“That wasn’t the first time I saw you here.” He replied shortly.

“No?” Sebastian was curious.

“No. I saw you at the Ambassador during the first round of interviews.” Kurt told him.

“Oh. That explains a lot then.” Sebastian replied cooly.

“Don’t act like you care.” Kurt whispered back.

The door opened again and this time it was a man, but he was probably close to fifty.

“I take it that’s not your date.” Sebastian said. “Who is it, though? Not the great You Tube sensation and lead singer of the New Directions, I’m guessing. Will you be mean to him too?”

“No, I won’t.” Kurt sighed heavily. “The man I am meeting is nothing like you. He is charming and sweet and funny, and he actually listens to others –“\

“Except he’s not here.” Sebastian cut in and they turned to face each other.

“If he doesn’t show up then he has a good reason. There is nothing cruel about him, not that you would understand. You’re completely heartless and you always have been.” Kurt narrowed his eyes at Sebastian.

Sebastian stood up. “That’s my cue. Good night, Kurt.” He said, and then he left.

Kurt waited only fifteen more minutes and then he left and threw the rose away in the trash bin outside the coffee house. He took several steadying breaths before heading off to the subway because he refused to cry in front of others. He checked his phone several times on the way home, and later his laptop for good measure, but there were no new messages.

* * *

That night, back in his room, Sebastian stood in front of his computer but he didn’t touch it, instead he turned off his light and went to bed.

The next day, in class, Greg was waiting for him and Sebastian could tell he wasn’t ready to let the subject drop, even now. They made it all the way through the lecture before Greg started in on him.

“What if there could be something there though? What if under all that bite and snark he could turn out to be –“

“A real dick. I don’t want to talk about it. Go to class.” Sebastian told him before he walked out.

* * *

Meanwhile at NYADA, Kurt was facing Rachel in their class.

“How did it go?” She asked.

“He didn’t show.” Kurt sagged into the seat next to her.

“He stood you up?” Rachel sounded surprised.

A few of the other students filed in but Kurt didn’t take notice of any of them. He was back to wondering what had happened and why NY444 never came.

“Something must have happened, he didn’t stand me up. Some sort of emergency that he couldn’t avoid.” Kurt reasoned.

Cara, Rachel’s roommate came in and sat with them.

“How did it go? She asked.

“He was unavoidably detained.” Kurt answered softly.

“He stood you up?” Cara asked.

Kurt’s face fell. “Why didn’t he show up? Maybe he did and he saw me sitting there and decided I didn’t measure up and left.”

“No way, Kurt, that would never happen.” Rachel said. Cara was looking wary. She didn’t say anything yet though.

“Maybe there was an accident, a subway accident.” Kurt posited.

“Could be.” Rachel nodded.

“The train stopped running and he was caught underground.” Kurt continued.

“And there was no signal down there, so no phone.” Rachel added.

Cara was shaking her head, but still not speaking.

“Or a car crash, with one of those insane cab drivers,” said Kurt.

“Yeah, they hit the brakes so hard you slam into that partition thing,” Rachel continued.

“Maybe he’s in splints and he can’t dial.” Kurt nodded as though agreeing with himself.

“Or he’s in one of those long rooms with only curtains between him and the other patients and there’s like –“

“No phone.” They said together.

Cara was still shaking her head and gripping her phone tightly in both hands while looking at Kurt and Rachel.

“What?” Kurt asked her.

Cara handed over her phone which was displaying a news report titled, Cops Nab Fire Escape Killer.

“What are you saying, Cara?” Kurt asked.

“It could be,” Cara took a deep breath, “That he was arrested three blocks from the coffee house.”

“Let me see, is there a picture?” Rachel scrolled through the story until a picture came up which she showed to Kurt. The man’s face couldn’t be seen because he had his hand up to block it from view.

“That explains it.” Rachel nodded solemnly.

“He was in jail.” Cara added.

“There was a phone --” Rachel continued.

“— but he only got one call and he had to call his lawyer.” Cara supplied.

“You’re really lucky, Kurt.” Rachel told him as she handed Cara’s phone back to her.

“You could be dead.” Cara said.

For a moment they all just looked at each other and then Kurt broke the silence.

“Are you insane? He could not possibly be the Fire Escape Killer!”

“How long did you end up waiting.” Rachel asked, changing the subject slightly.

“A little while. Then Sebastian Smythe came in.” Kurt started digging through his bag.

“Sebastian!” Rachel sounded scandalized.

“Look, I don’t want to talk about it, let’s just forget it.” Kurt whispered.

There were still a few minutes before class was due to start and while they waited, Jenna came in and joined them.

“How did it go?” She asked. Kurt looked up at her but he didn’t answer. 

Rachel did instead, “He was regrettably unable to attend.”

“He stood you up?” Jenna asked.

Kurt threw his hands up in exasperation and everyone finally dropped it.

Later, when Kurt had some free time, he sat at his computer, staring at his empty inbox and trying to think of how to approach the subject.

 **From: songinmyheart  
Subject: last night**  
I’ve thought a lot about you and about what I wanted to write. I went to meet you and you never showed up and I really want to know why. I felt like a fool. Then, while I waited, someone else came in; a man who has made my life a misery, both in the past and now in the present. Amazingly enough when I wanted to I was able to say exactly what came to mind for the first time in forever. Afterwards I felt terrible, just like you said I would. I was mean, really mean. It wasn’t even dressed up as a witty comeback, it was just cruel, and I try to never be cruel. While I can hardly imagine that what I said meant anything to this man, he’s never had a hard time being mean to me, what if it did? No matter what has happened between us I have no business treating him that way. Anyway, you’re my friend and I wanted to talk to you. I hope you have a good reason for not being there last night, but if you don’t, if we never really talk again, I just wanted to tell you that it has meant so much to me to know you were there for me, even if it was only for a while.

* * *

Sebastian read his message from songinmyheart, from Kurt, about a dozen times. He sat at his desk in front of his computer for twenty minutes just re-reading it over and over, but he didn’t reply. Eventually he closed the laptop and walked away.

Unfortunately, in a dorm room, there isn’t much space that is actually away from anything else in the room. So when he sat on his bed, he found himself looking over at the computer. When he stood at the window, looking out into the city, the computer was reflected there in the window. He had to walk past his desk to get to the mini fridge to pull out a bottle of tea. Eventually he had to give in, and sit back down, and open it back up.

He pulled up the message from Kurt again and hit reply. 

**From: NY444  
Subject: RE: last night **  
I was called out of town at the last minute.

He wrote the first sentence and then erased it and tried again.

 **From: NY444  
Subject: RE: last night**   
I was at work and the power went out, which meant the elevators stopped working and there was no signal so I couldn’t call. I didn’t get out until the middle of the night and by then it was just too late.

Sebastian stopped and looked his reply over before deleting it all. Finally he began again.

 **From: NY444  
Subject: RE: last night **  
Dear friend, I can’t tell you what happened last night, but I beg you to forgive me for not being there. 

He has to stop again and make a little adjustment to the first line. 

**From: NY444  
Subject: RE: last night **  
Dear friend, I can’t tell you what happened last night, but I beg you to forgive me for what happened. I feel awful, not only were left there waiting for me, but that you found yourself in another situation that caused you even more grief. However, I believe that whatever you said to the man that came in last night was absolutely provoked and deserved. Anyway, everyone says things they regret when they are stressed and last night was stressful for you. You expected to see a friend and instead you were met by the enemy. The fault is entirely mine. Someday I hope to tell you everything. For now, I’m still here. Talk to me.

* * *

“So that’s it?” Rachel asked as he read her the message again over the phone.

“That’s it.” Kurt replied.

“I can’t believe he didn’t mention trying to meet again.” Rachel said. 

“You know what? It’s fine, it’s probably for the best.” Kurt told her.

“I guess so. Are you okay?” Rachel asked.

“I’m okay.” Kurt told her, and for the most part it was true.

The next day, Kurt didn’t go to class. He didn’t answer his phone or his emails. He just lay curled on his bed, alone with his thoughts. Kurt knew he couldn’t hide forever, eventually someone, Rachel, would come looking for him. It was almost five before she did.

“Kurt Hummel! You open this door right now before I get the student advisor involved. He has keys, Kurt, we’ll just come in anyway! I know you’re in there! Open up!” Kurt opened the door and stepped back so Rachel could come in.

He steeled himself, waiting for her wrath but instead she threw her arms around him and hugged him tight. His arms slipped around her and he bent his head to rest on top of hers.

“You scared me.” She said.

“I’m sorry.” He answered softly. 

“I had to go all the way down to the Ambassador.” Rachel told him.

“You were going there anyway.” He replied.

“I know.” She agreed.

“Can we just skip all of this and get to the part where you tell me who actually made it?” Kurt asked quietly.

Rachel squeezed him one last time and she pulled away.

“I did.” She said. “And Sebastian.”


	6. Chapter 6

As a surprise, Blaine drove out for the weekend to help distract Kurt. They made plans to go see this off Broadway play that everyone at school was raving about and Kurt got to wear the new outfit he'd bought for a special occasion. He was with Blaine, holding Blaine's hand as they walked down the street, but his mind and his heart were a million miles away.

"You're quiet tonight. I know you have a lot going on so if you want to talk, we can do that instead." Blaine offered as he squeezed Kurt's hand a little tighter.

"Thanks, but I think I need the distraction of a good show. Later I'll take you to this cocktail lounge, it's sort of private feeling and dark, and then you won't be able to shut me up." Kurt promised. Cocktail lounges weren't exactly their thing, but this particular one served a variety of non alcoholic options and the atmosphere was just what Kurt was looking for tonight. 

"Okay, sounds like a plan." Blaine agreed. They walked in silence for a little bit longer and then Blaine tried a new tactic.

"How's school going? You haven't mentioned it in forever." The theater was just ahead so Kurt figured at least he wouldn't have to do too much talking and decided to give in for now.

"School is good, but hard. I knew it would be, you know? I knew what I was signing up for when I began trying to get in. The freshman class is tiny, twenty students in all, and well, if I thought our old glee club was competitive I was nuts. Sometimes I get in the mix and fight for the lead roles and other times I know when the part isn't cut out for me so I have to take a backseat. That's a hard lesson to put into practice." Kurt sighed. He knew some day he would be fighting to make more roles exist for guys like him, but for now he would take what he could get.

"I don't think I get that." Blaine said as they walked through the doors.

"What don't you get?" Kurt asked, on the defensive. The lobby was crowded but they took their place in line to show their tickets.

"I don't get how you can go from being the guy who always stood up for himself to the guy who's willing to fade into the background. That's not like you Kurt. I don't like thinking this whole situation with the Ambassador has you so distracted you're forgetting who you are." Blaine said all of this in a very calm manner, but it only sounded condescending to Kurt.

They presented their tickets to the doorman and headed into the theater to find their seats.

"This isn't some new development, Blaine." Kurt told him tersely. "This is something I had to figure out senior year and it's saved me a lot of trouble and heart ache ever since." Blaine wasn't looking at Kurt anymore; he was staring at the curtained stage. "And I can't believe you would bring up the Ambassador. I said I didn't want to talk about it until later." He added, his whispered tone on edge.

Blaine's head swung around then and he glared at Kurt. "Excuse me for being worried that my very talented boyfriend is letting himself go to waste. If I mentioned the Ambassador it's only because you got me involved in that situation and I can't help but worry that I've done you some sort of disservice by encouraging you to go for it when you needed to be focused on school instead!"

Several people sitting nearby were shushing them now and Kurt was giving them all go to hell looks.

"That's terrible Blaine, you're being really mean. Do you even hear yourself right now?" Kurt felt his chest tighten.

"It's not mean, it's honest. Sometimes I don't know who you are any more." Blaine said; his voice louder now.

Kurt looked around at the faces still staring over at them. Then he made up his mind and quickly stood. He shot one last shocked look at Blaine and then he left the theater without looking back. He was out on the street before he heard Blaine calling out behind him.

"Kurt wait up, Kurt! I'm sorry, really, just wait." Blaine's feet pounded against the sidewalk as he jogged to catch up. Kurt stopped, knowing he wouldn't be able to walk away from Blaine, even now. That was something he'd never been able to do, even when he was furious.

Kurt turned around as Blaine got closer. Blaine held up his hands as he spoke. "I have no idea where any of that came from, Kurt I swear. That was hateful and cruel and you didn't deserve any of that. I don't even think those things about you, I just, I don't know." Blaine looked lost.

"I'm sorry too I think I've just been really stressed..." Kurt's voice trailed off. He was sorry to have run out but that's about all he was sorry for.

"Oh, god, Kurt, don't apologize please. Not when you're not the one that... God I can't believe I'm going to say this." Blaine was fumbling for words and Kurt didn't know what to think about that. 

"Say what?" Kurt asked; his voice dropping low and soft.

"I think we should talk. Take me to that lounge?" Blaine asked.

Angel's Share was just a cab ride away and they didn't even have to wait for a table considering they were beating the after dinner, after theater crowd. Once they were tucked into their little corner of the place, drinks in hand, real ones with alcohol, Blaine took a deep breath.

"I've met someone." He said softly.

Kurt swallowed. He waited for the inevitable crushing weight to hit him and pull him down in a tidal wave of tears and pain and disappointment. Blaine seemed to be waiting for something similar and he watch Kurt warily. Surprisingly, the only thing Kurt could feel was relief. It was strange, it was good, maybe. He didn't know what to think except he knew he could have this conversation and he was going to be okay.

"And you want to be free?" He asked slowly.

"Yes, I'm so sorry." Blaine answered, he looked scared.

"Blaine," Kurt reached out to cover Blaine's hand with his own, "I want my freedom too." 

Blaine looked as surprised as Kurt felt so Kurt smiled a little.

"You do? Did you meet someone too?" Blaine asked, his own smile starting to pull at his mouth.

"Not exactly, but there's the idea of someone." Kurt answered honestly. There was no tightness in his chest now, there was no impending doom. This was the best conversation he'd had with Blaine in a very long time. He wasn't even sure when he'd fallen out of love, but clearly it had happened and he would be okay. They both would be.

They didn't get drunk together; they never even finished those first two cocktails they'd ordered. Instead they spent the rest of the night laughing and talking and beginning what Kurt was sure would be a friendship that would last a lifetime. They may not be KurtandBlaine anymore, but they would always be Kurt and Blaine.

Later, back in his room alone, Kurt found the courage to write his friend and tell him about the internship.

 **From: songinmyheart  
Subject: I never told you**  
I found out a few days ago that I didn't get chosen for an internship at the Ambassador Theater. My rival got it instead. I sing, I've never mentioned it before, but musical theater is my life. Anyway, I had this dream, that I would get this fantastic internship which would get my foot in the door so to speak and would look fantastic on my resume. That dream has ended. I'm sure I will move on and dream other dreams and life will continue tomorrow and the next day just as it always has, but that was the first of what will probably be many rejections on my path to fame and somehow it just hurt worse than I was ready for. I feel devastated. I feel heartbroken, and there isn't anything to be done about it.

* * *

Sebastian sat reading Kurt's message for a long time. It hurt to read it, it was confusing to read it, and he knew he'd have to reply to this message like all the others, but he didn't even know where to begin his reply.

 **From: NY444  
Subject: no subject**  
I'm sorry.

Sebastian's hands hovered over the keys. "Asshole." He whispered and he erased what he'd written. Anything he said now, knowing what he knew, made him an asshole, didn't it? He began again, retyping what he'd just erased.

 **From: NY444  
Subject: no subject**  
I'm sorry. I really am. I don't even know what to say because anything I write will only sound empty and trite. I hope that you can feel better soon.

Sebastian sent it before he could change his mind and then he leaned forward until his forehead rested on his desk and he just tried to breathe.

Two days later, Sebastian and Chace had an actual date, to a restaurant, and Sebastian found himself just going through all the appropriate motions. By the time they were back on the subway and heading to the dorms, Sebastian was in his own little world. He thought he was still making appropriate noises as Chace spoke, but he couldn't be sure. It was Kurt's name that shook him back to reality.

"Wait, what?" He asked.

Chace looked exasperated. "I said everyone was talking about him at work today. It's like his name was in the air or something, it was crazy."

"Why was everyone talking about him?" Sebastian asked.

"His performance? At the benefit?" Chace was shaking his head at Sebastian. "Have you been listening to anything?"

"Yeah, sorry. I'm listening." Sebastian wanted more information about Kurt, but Chace was moving on.

"So today my dad called and had this huge list of things he wants me to handle for next week and I told him..." Just like that Sebastian was back to tuning Chace out as he rambled on about himself.

They were only about five minutes from their stop when the lights flickered on the train and then the whole thing came to a stop. There were sounds of alarm from the other cars, but there were only a few people sitting in the same one as he and Chace and none of them panicked.

Sebastian headed to the back of the car which just so happened to be at the back of the train and depressed the button on the intercom system. He was all set to talk to one of the train employees but instead Chase shoved him out of the way and began yelling at the woman that answered on the other line. An older man across from them looked at Sebastian, stunned that Chace was yelling so many profanities and with such volume and obvious imagination. Sebastian wrestled Chace out of the way, apologized, and pulled Chace back away to sit down. 

Chace was on his feet in a second. "I can't believe you were nice to that hag! She had no idea when the train would be fixed or if we might be evacuated!"

"Well then there's no point walking around and yelling like that is there? Sit." Sebastian told him. He did sit but he shot Sebastian an ugly look before he did. A moment later the lights flickered again and went out.

They sat, talking, Sebastian trying to keep Chace from going ballistic on them all again, and eventually a train employee came over the intercom to give them an update.

"We're going to try for a little longer to restore power but in the event that the power is not back on within the hour we plan to evacuate. Please remain calm and in your seats. Thank you for your patience." The man said.

Sebastian restrained Chace as he tried to get up again. For a long time it was quiet and then the woman to their right spoke up.

"If I ever get out of here, I'm going to call my dad. I haven't talked to him in years, and I really miss him. I want to call him and tell him so." She sniffled a little.

The older man, the one that was sitting across from them spoke next. "If I ever get out of here, I'm going on that trip to the Caribbean. I keep putting it off and putting it off for no reason. The real reason I haven't gone is I wanted to go with Emaline, and now that she's gone it's like I've stopped living. Emaline would want me to go so I'm going." Sebastian's heart squeezed at this but he didn't say anything.

There was one more person other than he and Chace, and it was a man in a business suit. "If I ever get out of here, I'm quitting my job. I hate it and the hours are too long. No amount of money should be an acceptable excuse not to spend enough time with my family."

Chace jumped in next. "If I ever get out of here, I'm going to buy a Playstation 3." He said.

Sebastian was shocked by this but he didn't say anything. He just leaned back and spoke into the darkness. "If I ever get out of here, I'm --"

"Uhg I can't find my chapstick in this dark!" Chace interrupted him.

Sebastian stared into the space where he could see Chace vaguely outlined in the darkness. He wanted to be angry at Chace's lack of interest or lack of personal decency in general, but he wasn't. He was just over it.

Later that same night, Sebastian cleared out the drawer he had over at Chace's and he went back to his room alone. It was a relief to be done with it, nothing less and nothing more.

 **From: NY444  
Subject: perils of the NYC public transit system**  
Tonight I got on the subway at 8:35pm and didn't get off again until almost two hours later. Afterwards I moved my things from my almost boyfriend's dorm room and didn't look back once. Everything was suddenly so clear.

* * *

 **From: songinmyheart  
Subject: Change is Everywhere**  
I think change is something like an infection. It begins with one thing, one change, and then suddenly it's spreading through your life. One day you go to lie down and you realize you've even moved your bed. Only a few months ago, when you and I first met, I knew everything about my life and myself. I knew my plan for school, my plan for the summer, my plan for my career, and even the person I was going to do all of that with. Now I feel like I don't know anything.

The weeks began to fly by again. Kurt threw himself into his school work and the upcoming spring production of Little Shop of Horrors. He didn't think about the Ambassador's internship any more from a personal perspective, that still hurt too much, but he tried to be encouraging to Rachel as she began her time at the theater. Spring was officially in New York City. With it came a spring cold that had Kurt sick and in bed for days on end.

Kurt was watching reruns of project runway on his laptop when someone knocked softly on his door. It couldn't be Rachel. She rarely knocked and when she did it was never so politely. He groaned but he pulled himself up and over to the door.

"Who is it?" He asked and then he sneezed.

"It's Sebastian Smythe." Came the unlikely answer. Kurt huffed.

"What do you want? I'm sick!" He called through the door.

"I know, I brought you something, can you open the door?" Sebastian asked.

"Fine but if you get sick too I don't want to hear a thing about it!" Kurt went to unlock the door and then had a moment of panic. He wasn't dressed and his room was a disaster.

"Hold on a sec!" He told Sebastian. He hurried to find a robe and then began furiously grabbing at all the tissues on his bed and nightstand. There were coffee cups to be hidden and tea bags laying around. When he was done he realized that it couldn't be perfect right now but there wasn't enough time to make it any better than it was. Kurt opened the door, still reluctantly, and found Sebastian standing there with a shopping bag and a bunch of flowers.

"Hello." Sebastian said.

"Hello. What are you doing here?" Kurt asked.

"I heard you were sick and I was worried so I thought I would come check in." Sebastian smiled warmly.

He didn't wait to be invited, however, and he pushed past Kurt and walked into the room. Kurt closed the door with a sigh and leaned against it watching Sebastian with a wary eye.

"How did you hear I was sick?" He asked.

"Rachel told me. She seemed pretty worried about you." Sebastian answered. He didn't immediately consider what the news might mean to Kurt.

"You got my internship so you've been hanging out with Rachel." Kurt said sullenly.

"I got the internship, Kurt, and yes." Sebastian replied. He was hovering around the mini kitchen looking for something.

Sebastian found a glass and filled it with water for the flowers. "You still displaced me." Kurt told him as he shuffled forward and picked up some more of the wayward tissues.

"I did." Sebastian agreed softly and he started unpacking his grocery sack.

"Now you're here with flowers. Did you come to brag?" Kurt asked coldly.

"No." Sebastian replied simply and he lined up his offerings on the little counter and tucked the empty bag away. There was microwaveable soup, a box of crackers, a bag of cough drops, and the type of tissues made for sore noses.

"To offer me a helping hand or something, because I don't need that. I have prospects. Actually I have a job offering from your, your..." Kurt sneezed again and sat on the edge of his bed.

"My ex, though we weren't ever really together." Sebastian supplied. He brought the flowers over and put them on the nightstand.

Your ex? That's sad; you two seemed so perfect for each other." Kurt said snidely, but then he looked shocked and shook his head. "I'm sorry! I don't mean that I just can't seem to help it around you.

"It's okay." Sebastian said as he sat in the little chair at Kurt's desk.

"Well, anyhow, thanks for coming, I really need to sleep now so..." Kurt gestured at the door.

"Do you want some soup? I could heat it up for you." Sebastian offered.

Kurt was going to say no, but he couldn't actually remember when he ate last so he reluctantly nodded and Sebastian went right to work.

"When did you two break up?" Kurt asked.

"Oh a couple of weeks ago, it was no big deal really; kind of nice to be honest." Sebastian said as he hit the buttons on the microwave.

"That's weird. Everybody's breaking up lately." Kurt pushed himself back on his bed until his back was against the headboard. Sebastian shot him a look from the kitchenette.

"Oh?" He asked.

"Yeah, you, me, this friend of mine broke up on the subway." Kurt said and then he had to blow his nose. "When I saw you at the coffee house that night, I was waiting for him and I was --"

"Charming." Sebastian interrupted.

"I was not, I was horrible." Kurt argued.

"Okay, but you looked charming." Sebastian answered with a chuckle.

"I was really horrible though." Kurt told him softly.

"Listen tiger, I was the horrible one." Sebastian pulled out a spoon and found a cup for the soup and a napkin.

"Yes well, but I had no excuse." Kurt told him.

"Oh I see. You had no excuse, but I am a horrible person therefore I have no choice but to be horrible." Sebastian was still puttering around. 

"Uhg. I'm sorry, I can't seem to stop doing that." Kurt whispered.

"I took that internship from you; you're entitled to hate me." Sebastian said softly.

"The thing is, I don't hate you, not really." Kurt admitted. "Things have just been... really crazy for me lately."

"Like you and Blaine breaking up?" Sebastian had guessed this was what Kurt had meant in his message but he hadn't been completely sure.

"Yeah, it was okay though, for some reason. I think we just sort of drifted apart, and then he met someone." Kurt sniffled a little but not because of Blaine.

Sebastian carried his soup over and handed him a napkin.

"You're not making fun of me." Kurt observed.

"No," Sebastian said, "but I could if that would make you feel better. There's plenty of fodder lying around this room, and..." He gestured with a grin at Kurt.

Kurt chuckled at that but only for a moment. "I really don't hate you." Kurt said as if he needed to hear it again himself.

"But you won't forgive me. Like Jacob before Reneesme." Sebastian said it very matter-of-factly as though Kurt should know exactly what he meant.

"What?" Kurt asked.

"Jacob Black from the Twilight Saga. He wouldn't forgive Edward for making Bella love him, leaving her, coming back, marrying her, killing her, basically for anything..." He said.

"Wait, I thought you hated Twilight..." Kurt shook his head but that hurt too much so he stopped.

"Until Reneesme and then everything changed of course. I don't have a Reneesme to give you though, obviously." Sebastian was looking down, maybe at his hands. "It wasn't personal." He whispered.

"It was business?" Kurt supplied. Sebastian just nodded at looked at him helplessly.

"Well it was personal to me. It's okay for things to be personal sometimes because sometimes they just are. What's wrong with that anyway?" Kurt asked.

Sebastian shrugged lightly, looking forlorn. "Nothing." he said.

"My head hurts, I'm so tired, I need sleep." Kurt said suddenly, forgetting his soup altogether.

Sebastian came to the bed and tugged the covers down. "Come on." He said gently and he took Kurt's cup of soup and set it aside.

Kurt climbed under the covers and lay down. He looked up at Sebastian as Sebastian tucked him in. "Why did you come by? I forget." Kurt asked.

Sebastian sat on the edge of Kurt's bed before Kurt could protest.

"I wanted to be your friend." Sebastian said, and Kurt didn't know what to say or do. He wasn't even aware Sebastian had friends.

"Oh." Was all Kurt could manage in response.

"I know it's not possible, but I had to try." He whispered. "Can I ask you something though?" 

Kurt nodded. "What happened with the guy at the coffee shop?"

Kurt squeezed his eyes shut. "Nothing happened." His voice was so low he wasn't sure Sebastian heard him.

"But you're crazy about him?" Sebastian prodded.

Kurt just nodded.

"So why not run away with him now that you're free?" Sebastian asked.

"This is going to sound insane." Kurt whispered. He didn't look over at Sebastian when he opened his eyes finally, but instead kept them trained firmly on the tissue in his hand. "I don't actually know him. I met him, oh god, I met him online. We were supposed to meet for the first time but he never showed up. Now we're just friends who email one another every now and then." Kurt finally looked over at Sebastian waiting for the ridicule to begin at last. Sebastian was oddly quiet.

"Like a movie." Sebastian said carefully.

"Just like a movie." Kurt was nodding, his voice still hushed.

"Well, then, I'm happy for him. You should meet him, wait no. Actually don't. Why ruin a good thing, right?" Sebastian cocked an eyebrow at Kurt.

"Hey I hardly think you know--" Kurt began but Sebastian's finger on his lips cut him off.

"Now Kurt, I admit, I bring out the worst in you, so let me just save you from the regret that will inevitably follow. Don't say it." He was leaning close to Kurt now and Kurt could feel the warm pressure of his finger against his lips and it wasn't entirely unpleasant. Their eyes locked and Kurt felt... he didn't know what exactly but he began to smile.

"Now, you rest, and I hope you feel better soon." Sebastian stood up and tucked the covers tightly around Kurt. Then he reached over and plucked a flower from his makeshift vase and handed it to Kurt. "You simply can not miss New York in the Spring, there's nothing quite like it.

"Thanks for the flowers and everything." Kurt told him sincerely.

"Take care of yourself, Kurt." Sebastian said.

"I will." Kurt replied.

"Bye now." Sebastian opened the door and gave Kurt a wave.

"Bye." Kurt said and he waved back. Then Sebastian was gone and Kurt was falling into a surprisingly peaceful sleep.

Only a handful of days later, Kurt was feeling better and had decided to take a huge leap. He sat down at his desk to write to NY444.

 **From: songinmyheart  
Subject: no subject**  
I've spent a lot of time thinking about this. Do you think we should meet?

The reply came less than twenty four hours later.

 **From: NY444  
Subject: no subject**  
I do think we should meet. We will meet, just not right now. I have this project that I've just begun. It's going to be taking up all of my time for the next few weeks and I just have to put all of my energy into it. Rain check?


	7. Chapter 7

At Joe's Kurt ordered a grande mocha and didn't realize it was full fat until he was seated near the front row of windows sipping it. He contemplated going back for his usual but decided that one morning of indulgence wouldn't kill him. The mocha was amazing after all; it would be a shame to waste it. Kurt was distracted by his beverage so he didn't notice Sebastian until he was standing on the other side of the table saying good morning. 

Kurt looked up at Sebastian's smile. "Good morning." Kurt replied with a smile of his own.

"May I?" Sebastian asked, gesturing to the empty seat.

"Sure." Kurt replied. 

Sebastian sat and leaned back in his seat, open and relaxed. "You're looking much better." Sebastian observed.

"Thanks. I'm pretty sure just about anyone could look better than I did when you last saw me." Kurt gave a wry chuckle and sipped his fully fatted mocha.

"Yes, well, that was me being polite. I know you might not be used to seeing what polite looks like on me, but that was it." Sebastian chuckled back at Kurt.

Soon they were chatting away as if it were the most natural thing to do. Kurt didn't even blink when Sebastian inquired about his online friend.

"He said it wasn't a good time." Kurt said softly.

"What did he say exactly? Sebastian asked.

"Just that he wanted to meet but he couldn't right now because he had a project he has to focus on." Kurt couldn't help but be a little sad about it, even days later.

"A project?" Sebastian laughed and Kurt shot him a look, one eyebrow raised in query.

"He said he's focusing on a project?" Sebastian repeated, still smirking.

"Yes, he's busy." Kurt was determined to defend his friend.

"He's not too busy to meet you, he's avoiding you. He's probably married with kids or something." Sebastian teased.

"What? No he's not." Kurt crossed his arms over his chest.

"Have you ever asked him? Sebastian wondered.

Kurt wanted to throw out some witty remark then but the truth was he hadn't ever asked NY444 about anything like that. It was too personal. They avoided stuff like that.

Kurt shook his head no.

"Oh he's married, Kurt, oh my god." Sebastian was still laughing.

"Shut up." Kurt told him, but he wasn't really mad. It was a little funny that he'd never asked. "I'll ask, alright, just... stop giggling like a gossipy tween." Kurt sipped his coffee and the conversation moved on.

That evening, after working with a new client on his closet situation, and it was in fact a situation, Kurt wrote NY444.

 **From: songinmyheart  
Subject: no subject**  
I know it's a little late to be asking this, but are you married?

His reply was waiting for him when he got back from dinner with Rachel and Jenna.

 **From: NY444  
Subject: WHAT?**  
Am I married? How can you even ask that, don't you know me at all? Wait, I know what this is. Your friends are pressuring you, aren't they? They think it's weird we've never met and now they're trying to put ideas into your head about why.

* * *

When Kurt walked into his favorite cafe a few days later for lunch, Sebastian was already there having a sandwich and waving him over.

"This is starting to feel like high school." Kurt said as he sat down.

"I hope you mean that in some obscurely good way and not in the trying to steal your boyfriend way. I don't even know your boyfriend's handle." Sebastian punctuated the end of his sentence by gesturing with his pickle spear.

Kurt laughed openly and then covered his surprise at his laughter with a slight cough. A year ago he would not have found that remark amusing at all. Even a few months ago it wouldn't have been funny.

"Okay, two things. One, he's not my boyfriend, and two what I meant was it's like you're everywhere now. It's very Lima Bean 2012." Kurt took a moment to order a salad, and then they relaxed into comfortable conversation. It didn't take too long for Sebastian to come around to the subject of Kurt's friend again.

"So did your friend ever admit to being married?" He asked.

"No he did not!" Kurt threw his napkin down. "He knew what was going on and he called me on it." 

"What you mean to say is he didn't give you an answer at all." Sebastian said pointedly, and then he grinned.

"No, he didn't need to answer me. He's not married and I know that because I know him. He would have said something months ago." Kurt shook his head a little more forcefully than necessary and then laughed when he saw the expression on Sebastian's face.

"What?" He was almost afraid to ask.

"You're very trusting, bright eyes. You have no idea who this guy is, he could be anyone. What's his handle?" Sebastian leaned forward and managed to look slightly predatory. 

Kurt's eyes narrowed at him suspiciously.

"What? I'm not going to try and write him if that's what you're worried about." Sebastian just chuckled.

"NY444." Kurt told him a little reluctantly.

"NY444." Sebastian rolled the name around a couple of times. "New York four hundred and forty four. Four hundred and forty four. He weighs four hundred and forty four pounds." Sebastian deduced.

"No he does not!" Kurt laughed. 

"He has a collection of four hundred and forty four china dolls and has all their names and birthdays memorized." Sebastian went on, ignoring all the faces Kurt was making. "Four hundred and forty four. It's the number of zits he has on his back." Sebastian was laughing now at his own jokes.

"Shut up, why are you always so mean?" Kurt threw his napkin across the table at Sebastian. "I don't care what he looks like anyway. Not everyone is as shallow as you." 

Sebastian was completely unfazed. "You don't care?" Sebastian asked with a chuckle. Kurt just shook his head. "You don't care that he's four hundred and forty four years old, covered in bacne and wrinkles, and his waist is four hundred and forty four inches around?" Sebastian was wheezing now from laughing so hard. People were beginning to stare.

"You're terrible. Stop that." Kurt chided, but he was still chuckling under his breath.

"I think it must be the number of people that believe he looks like Taylor Lautner." Kurt smirked.

"Four hundred and forty four people believe he looks like Taylor Swift." Sebastian shot back.

They both dissolved into laughter over that. After they finished off the pie that Sebastian ordered, Kurt agreed to go through the open air market with Sebastian since they both had things they wanted to get.

Thirty minutes later, Kurt had a small bag of apples and Sebastian was back to his new favorite obsession.

"Four hundred and forty four is his S.A.T. score." Sebastian bumped Kurt shoulder playfully as they perused the flowers together.

"It's probably his I.Q." Kurt said and nudged back.

"The number of sexual partners he's had." Sebastian suggested and Kurt just rolled his eyes.

"The number of times he's seen Fight Club." Kurt replied primly.

"Now you're talking. That's the best thing you've said about the guy yet." Sebastian grinned but his smirky grin turned to a real smile when Kurt added his little fern to the flowers he was buying..

"I suppose it could be his address." Kurt said a few minutes later.

Sebastian stopped walking and waited.

"No, that's too pedestrian for him." Kurt decided.

Sebastian didn't have a comeback for that but Kurt didn't seem to notice.

'There's really only one thing I care about and that's the hunting thing." Kurt said.

"The hunting thing?" Sebastian asked him. He was looking through different types of fresh baked bread.

"Yeah. I could never be with a guy that hunts. All I'd be able to think of is Bambi and how much I hated those men for killing his mom." Kurt reached over Sebastian to grab a sample of the multigrain loaf and caught Sebastian's strange look.

"My dad sometimes takes me hunting." He admitted softly. "I guess that seals it. We can never be together." Sebastian sighed dramatically and it made Kurt laugh.

They left the bread and moved down to the cheese.

"I could never be with a guy that doesn't like junk food. There's such a thing as being too health conscious. I feel like a good night out is one that might include a hot dog vendor." Sebastian raised an eyebrow at Kurt, but Kurt had no reply for that and instead he went back to cheese shopping as if it were the most interesting thing he'd ever done.

* * *

A few days later, Kurt ran into Sebastian again, this time at Bookleaves.

"Find anything good?" Kurt asked him.

"Maybe." Sebastian replied with a smile.

They shopped around together a bit and wound up sitting in the plush chairs in the back, just talking.

"You haven't told me yet about your new job." Sebastian pointed out.

"It seems like maybe you already know." Kurt accused, but he grinned at Sebastian.

"I probably do, but I bet you can tell it better than Rachel Berry can. I am continually amazing by her ability to make anything about herself." Sebastian said.

Kurt nodded slowly. He was still pretty amazed by that too, despite having been best friends with Rachel for so long now.

"I'm helping stage a youth production of Beauty and the Beast with All Stars Project, Inc." Kurt said with a smile.

"That's not exactly what I heard." Sebastian prodded him with his foot.

"I'm helping direct it." Kurt added.

"Better." Sebastian nodded.

"It's funny because I'm having such an amazing time working with the kids and I never would have had the chance if you hadn't gone after that internship. I never would have met Chace or been introduced to the people over at All Stars. Actually my friend was the one that encouraged me to fight you for it which led to the benefit and now everything else." Kurt leaned back with a smile.

"Mr. Four hundred and forty four brightly patterned Hawaiian shirts." Sebastian grinned.

"More like Mr. Four hundred and forty four insights into my soul." Kurt told him.

"Oh, well, who could compete with that?" Sebastian held up his hands as if in defeat.

After they both stopped snickering, Kurt looked at Sebastian, thoughtful.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Sebastian tilted his head in a mirror of Kurt's.

"I was just thinking about how I keep accidentally running into you." Kurt admitted.

Sebastian just nodded and smiled. "You want to run into me on purpose, say, Saturday, lunch?" 

Kurt pretended to think about it for a moment and then he just smiled. "Sure." He said.

They made their plans and then parted ways. That night, Kurt got a message from NY444.

 **From: NY444  
Subject: no subject**  
How about meeting Saturday? The park is beautiful this time of year and we can stroll around and talk. Does four o'clock work for you? Meet me in front of the Alice in Wonderland statue.

* * *

"Today?" Sebastian sat his slice of pizza back down without biting into it.

"Today." Kurt confirmed. His veggie pizza was still sitting on his plate.

"Wow." Sebastian said.

"I know. He wants to meet by a statue." Kurt told him.

"He could be anyone. He could be someone I've met." Sebastian mused.

"I know." Kurt nodded.

After lunch, on the walk back toward NYADA, Sebastian was still thinking about it.

"He could be the shoe doctor." He said.

"The shoe doctor?" Kurt asked.

Sebastian stopped walking. "Yeah, the shoe doctor, that guy that can fix a lady's heel or resole your shoe while you wait, stuff like that. He could be that guy."

Kurt laughed lightly.

"No, think about it Kurt. You love fashion and he fixes shoes. That could be a match made in heaven." Sebastian pretended to be very serious which only made Kurt chuckle some more. 

"You have to appreciate his timing though." Sebastian said, and Kurt could tell he really was being serious now.

"I mean just think about it. All this time you've been writing each other and you've never met. He waits until now; until you're available. Until you've decided he's the only guy you could ever love."

Kurt didn't know what to say to that. He just stood there looking up at Sebastian and wondering where this was leading.

"Sometimes I wonder." Sebastian said softly. He stepped closer to Kurt. "If I hadn't been going after that internship, if you hadn't fought me on it, and then lost... If we had just run into each other here in the city of our dreams without any of that between us..."

"Don't." Kurt whispered.

"I would have asked for you number and I would have called right away. I would have right there in that department store except you didn't seem as happy to see me as I was to see you. I would have asked you out, and then I would have wooed you until you came around, until you were available. I would have turned my world upside down to be the guy that made you happy." Sebastian's voice grew hoarse with emotion. Kurt had never seen him this way, had never known this side of him.

"Sebastian." Kurt whispered, pleading.

"And we never would have been at war." Sebastian concluded.

"No." Kurt agreed.

"The only thing we'd ever fight about is where to order in from on a Friday night." Sebastian stepped forward again and Kurt felt rooted on the spot.

"That's ridiculous, who fights about that?" Kurt asked softly.

"We wouldn't." Sebastian said and Kurt just shook his head.

"If only..." Sebastian began.

"Please, I have to go, I'll be late." Kurt could hear the note of desperation in his voice.

"Just let me ask you one thing." Sebastian said so softly, all Kurt could do was nod. "Why is it that you can forgive this guy for standing you up but you can't forgive me for this one tiny thing; winning that internship?" Sebastian asked.

"You have no idea how much I wish you would." He said and then he was leaning forward. Not enough that Kurt thought he might be about to kiss him, but enough that if Kurt wanted to he could lean forward and close the remaining distance between them.

"I have to go." Kurt said, looking away. Sebastian moved back and smiled softly down at Kurt.

"You don't want to be late." Sebastian said when Kurt hesitated.

Kurt turned and began walking on down the street and he didn't look back. Sebastian waited just a little bit, watching Kurt as he walked away.

* * *

Kurt changed into his best jeans and his robin's egg blue button down with a skinny white tie. He must have checked his hair a hundred times before leaving. He stayed focused on his appearance; he didn't let any other thoughts creep in. Later, he promised himself. Right now he had an appointment to keep.

He arrived at the Alice statue just a little early thanks to his nerves so he decided to focus on it rather than stand there looking at his feet. Kurt had stood before this statue many times before; it was one of his favorites in the park. Usually it was covered in kids climbing here and there and playing around the base of it, but today it was oddly quiet. Kurt thought that must be due to the time of day. Maybe everyone was at home right now for a snack or getting ready for the next part of their Saturday.

A quick glance at his phone told Kurt there were only a couple of minutes left, so he turned and began searching the people as they came into view along the path. His heart was racing but he was trying to keep himself calm. Any minute now, any minute now. He wondered if he would recognize his friend right away.

Then Kurt saw him. Sebastian was walking toward him, slowly, a hesitant look on his face. Kurt felt his eyes widen and his heart rate pick up suddenly. Sebastian must have sensed it because he came even slower until he was standing right in front of Kurt.

Kurt kept opening his mouth to speak but nothing was coming out. Sebastian, Sebastian, his mind kept repeating. Then he started to cry.

"Don't cry, songinmyheart." Sebastian said softly and he reached out to swipe a tear off Kurt's cheek with the pad of his thumb. "Shh." 

When Kurt finally found his voice he said, "I wanted it to be you. I knew it couldn't be, but I wanted it to be you so bad." Kurt's tears were falling in earnest now.

Sebastian stepped forward and pulled Kurt into his arms carefully until Kurt was pressed against him and held close like something precious. They moved as one then, Sebastian leaning down just a bit and Kurt tilting his head up, and their lips came together softly. Kurt wound his arms around the back of Sebastian's neck and pulled him closer still. The world fell away from them in that moment and everything that came before, everything except what they'd become, ceased to matter.

It would be a long time before either of them was able to pull away, and an even longer time before they could make themselves move to walk through the park. When they did move at last, Kurt slipped his hand into Sebastian's and they both knew they never wanted to let go.

The End


End file.
